March 28, 2012
Update on baby....
Let me start this blog off by saying how grateful I am for my children, they truly are such a blessing in my life. :) Now that I have said that....yesterday I went to the Dr's (I am 16 weeks & a few days) and I measured right where i should be measuring, but I have lost 15 pounds. I told my Dr that it wasn't from throwing up but just emotional stuff that's been going on between Andrew and I have caused me to be depressed and not able to eat. He suggested anxiety medicine but I declined and just asked for an ultrasound so i could see my little bug. I layed down on the table and as soon as my little bug was on the screen a few tears fell from my eyes. I realized how selfish I've been by allowing myself to be so focused on the situation with Andrew and I and not so much on the baby. I am a mother, my ONLY job in life is to make sure my children are taken care of....even this little one who is still cooking. My Dr tried to find out the sex of the baby but he/she was on the tummy so it didn't happen yesterday. It freaks me out a little that the baby is on it's tummy! I've never seen that before! It was really great to see the baby and know that despite the emotional rollercoaster I've been on this little one is strong and healthy. I still want to make it work with Andrew more than anything in this world but I know that I can't allow myself to be upset about it anymore. I've got to keep my health up to take care of this baby. :) As far as Andrew and I, right now we are doing good, I feel and see the progress we are making. It's hard to be away from him because all I want is to lay in his arms. Overall life is good and I can't wait until the next 4 weeks pass so i get another chance to see this baby and hopefully *crosses fingers* get to know if I am going to be blessed with another son, or be blessed by another daughter. :)
March 21, 2012
Another letter to baby....
Dear Child of Mine,
We are now in week 15 (and a few days) of our little journey together. I can feel you move now and i must say for being so tiny still you are a very strong baby. I am no longer having the horrible symptoms that i had during the first trimester. The morning sickness is gone & I have one hell of an appetite now. I am going through a lot of things emotionally and i feel horrible because i know it's affecting you. Every time I cry, you move and it reminds me to calm down, I have you to worry about. I want to give you everything and I want all the happiness in the world for you. The reality of our situation is that it might end up just being us and your siblings when you get here. You'll still have your dad, I just don't know where we will stand at that point. I want to give you a family, I want you to see your dad everyday and grow up in the same house with both of us. I really hope i can do that for you.
Growing up I was really close to my father (your Grandpa) and I have a lot of amazing memories of my childhood because of him. Grandpa always worked so many jobs to make sure we had what we needed in life. We got to go on many many vacations because of his hard work and see a lot of amazing things. I hope that i can give the same things to you. Mommy is working really hard to try and repair things with dad. It's a lot of work and between that and giving you a healthy place to grow for the next 5 months...I am exhausted. I am going to find out if you are a boy or girl soon!! I am super excited. Dad still thinks you are a boy....I am not sure.
Your siblings are really excited to meet you and they don't quite understand that it takes a long time until you are ready to come and greet them. Alexia says "The baby is coming out next week" all the time, and i have to take her to the calender and show her just how far away it is. I tell them you will be here after these birthdays, after fireworks, camping, etc. Alexia is really excited that you will be born kind of around her birthday too. Aspen says she will hold you and kiss your head. She says that SHE is my nugget though, and i can't call you that. Alyssa is just a sweetheart and even though you don't know her voice yet, it's her who is always talking to you. She lays by my tummy and says "Hi baby, I am your big sister Alyssa." It's adorable and makes me really happy to see that you have so much love waiting for you to come out.
You are starting to grow by leaps and bounds and mommy is starting to look more pregnant everyday. I am excited to continue on this journey with you. It's just us two....I love you.
-Mom
We are now in week 15 (and a few days) of our little journey together. I can feel you move now and i must say for being so tiny still you are a very strong baby. I am no longer having the horrible symptoms that i had during the first trimester. The morning sickness is gone & I have one hell of an appetite now. I am going through a lot of things emotionally and i feel horrible because i know it's affecting you. Every time I cry, you move and it reminds me to calm down, I have you to worry about. I want to give you everything and I want all the happiness in the world for you. The reality of our situation is that it might end up just being us and your siblings when you get here. You'll still have your dad, I just don't know where we will stand at that point. I want to give you a family, I want you to see your dad everyday and grow up in the same house with both of us. I really hope i can do that for you.
Growing up I was really close to my father (your Grandpa) and I have a lot of amazing memories of my childhood because of him. Grandpa always worked so many jobs to make sure we had what we needed in life. We got to go on many many vacations because of his hard work and see a lot of amazing things. I hope that i can give the same things to you. Mommy is working really hard to try and repair things with dad. It's a lot of work and between that and giving you a healthy place to grow for the next 5 months...I am exhausted. I am going to find out if you are a boy or girl soon!! I am super excited. Dad still thinks you are a boy....I am not sure.
Your siblings are really excited to meet you and they don't quite understand that it takes a long time until you are ready to come and greet them. Alexia says "The baby is coming out next week" all the time, and i have to take her to the calender and show her just how far away it is. I tell them you will be here after these birthdays, after fireworks, camping, etc. Alexia is really excited that you will be born kind of around her birthday too. Aspen says she will hold you and kiss your head. She says that SHE is my nugget though, and i can't call you that. Alyssa is just a sweetheart and even though you don't know her voice yet, it's her who is always talking to you. She lays by my tummy and says "Hi baby, I am your big sister Alyssa." It's adorable and makes me really happy to see that you have so much love waiting for you to come out.
You are starting to grow by leaps and bounds and mommy is starting to look more pregnant everyday. I am excited to continue on this journey with you. It's just us two....I love you.
-Mom
March 6, 2012
The births of my children....
I decided that it would be fun to write a blog about the birthing experience of each of my children. They were some of the most amazing, scary, exhausting experiences of my life and i think it would be fun to share them.....
Alexia: I had Alexia when i was 17 years old. She weight 5 pounds 10 ounce and was 18 inches long. She was born at 36 weeks. I was induced on a Friday, September 10, 2004 around 5:00. I didn't end up having her until the next night at 10:38 pm. I had an epidural with her pretty early on, i told my doctor i didn't care about having a C-Section i just didn't want to feel pain. (Epidurals can stop or slow labor and after your water is popped or breaks you have 24 hours to deliver or you have to have a C-Section.). The birth of Alexia was amazing and scary because it was my first time giving birth. My whole family was involved in her birth and that made it extra special. The labor part when it was actually going went pretty smooth....there was a little incident with the pushing that made it embarrassing but it happens. Towards the end i started getting extremely tired and my mom whispered in my ear "You don't want them to use forceps on that baby, now push!" and that i did! I had to get an episiotomy which sucked after. After i gave birth i got really sick, my heart started beating too quickly and i started to hemorrhage buuuut everything calmed down and it was a pretty good experience overall.
Austen: I had Austen when i was 19 years old. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and was 19 inches long. He was born at 37 weeks. I had some contractions around 5 pm on March 14 and waited a few hours to see if they would stop....they didn't but weren't getting stronger. As a precaution my mom took me to the hospital around 9 pm so i could get checked out and they said that i was measuring a bit bigger than i was at my apt the previous week and so they had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if anything progressed. It did! I had my water broken and this time i decided to with stand the contractions as long as i could...i successfully got to a 6 before i started complaining for an epidural. Austen was birth was pretty fast and easy. My water was broken at 10 pm and i had him at 1:12 am on March 15. :) Austen was the most alert baby i have ever seen....so said a few others. He laid with his eyes WIDE open and just took in the world. He moved his head back and fourth looking all over the room...and he was only 2 hours old!!! Holy wow!!
Alyssa: I had Alyssa when i was 20 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born at 37 weeks. Alyssa's birth was a lot like Austen's. I had some contractions went in to get checked out and after waiting an hour i was induced. Alyssa's birth was a little more dramatic because they came in and measured me and after 30 minutes i felt extreme pressure and the need to push. I had an epidural but i could feel pressure. I yelled for the nurse and she came in and said they just measured me and there was nothing to worry about. I got really angry and said "No you need to check me again because i feel extreme pressure!" This stupid nurse wouldn't listen to me and so i felt down and sure enough my little girl was waiting to come out.....the nurse got mad at me for doing that because it's not safe and i was pissed at her because she didn't listen to me. I wouldn't let her be in the room for the delivery. Another nurse really got on my nerves, she kept insisting that i cross my arms during the delivery and it felt unnatural and i didn't like it. I am not sure what happened with my epidural, maybe it started wearing off but i felt part of Alyssa's birth. I started complaining that i could feel her when she was coming out, it wasn't full on feeling it but it was more pain and pressure than i had felt with the previous two births. Luckily her birth went smooth but man she came out one unhappy, hungry baby.
Aspen: I gave birth to Aspen when i was 22 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was born at almost 38 weeks. If i would of been one day later it would of been 38 weeks. On January 23, around 8 pm I was having really bad back pain...which is normal during pregnancy but this back pain was taking my breath away. I took a really hot bath in my mom's jet tub and tried to relax. After that didn't work i took some Tylenol and laid down with a hot pad and fell asleep. Around 11 pm i woke up and thought i had peed in my sleep...than i realized MY WATER HAD BROKE! I was super excited because i always wanted to experience having my water break. It was actually pretty gross and it felt like i had peed my pants but i was still excited to have experienced that. This was also the first pregnancy where i had back labor, i really hope i don't have that this pregnancy...that hurt!! Even the epidural was painful because my back was so sensitive. I went to the hospital got the process started and like i said got an epidural. (Can you tell i don't like pain?) Aspen's birth was exhausting and it felt like it took forever pushing. I ended up needing oxygen because i was so out of breath. I kept saying "I can't push anymore, i can't push anymore" I was super tired. This delivery i was completely in control, another nurse tried to get me to cross my arms and i snapped back "No, i want my arms like this!"...she shut up real fast. Aspen was born 12:22 pm on January 24. She came out one happy baby and slept a lot.
I have one more birthing experience to go through but as you can tell from experience i am a pro! As long as i have my epidural, the nurses leave me alone i am fine. I am getting my tubes tied after this one as i mentioned in a previous post. I kinda want my water to break again....the labor was a lot easier on my body because it was done naturally.
Alexia: I had Alexia when i was 17 years old. She weight 5 pounds 10 ounce and was 18 inches long. She was born at 36 weeks. I was induced on a Friday, September 10, 2004 around 5:00. I didn't end up having her until the next night at 10:38 pm. I had an epidural with her pretty early on, i told my doctor i didn't care about having a C-Section i just didn't want to feel pain. (Epidurals can stop or slow labor and after your water is popped or breaks you have 24 hours to deliver or you have to have a C-Section.). The birth of Alexia was amazing and scary because it was my first time giving birth. My whole family was involved in her birth and that made it extra special. The labor part when it was actually going went pretty smooth....there was a little incident with the pushing that made it embarrassing but it happens. Towards the end i started getting extremely tired and my mom whispered in my ear "You don't want them to use forceps on that baby, now push!" and that i did! I had to get an episiotomy which sucked after. After i gave birth i got really sick, my heart started beating too quickly and i started to hemorrhage buuuut everything calmed down and it was a pretty good experience overall.
Austen: I had Austen when i was 19 years old. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and was 19 inches long. He was born at 37 weeks. I had some contractions around 5 pm on March 14 and waited a few hours to see if they would stop....they didn't but weren't getting stronger. As a precaution my mom took me to the hospital around 9 pm so i could get checked out and they said that i was measuring a bit bigger than i was at my apt the previous week and so they had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if anything progressed. It did! I had my water broken and this time i decided to with stand the contractions as long as i could...i successfully got to a 6 before i started complaining for an epidural. Austen was birth was pretty fast and easy. My water was broken at 10 pm and i had him at 1:12 am on March 15. :) Austen was the most alert baby i have ever seen....so said a few others. He laid with his eyes WIDE open and just took in the world. He moved his head back and fourth looking all over the room...and he was only 2 hours old!!! Holy wow!!
Alyssa: I had Alyssa when i was 20 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born at 37 weeks. Alyssa's birth was a lot like Austen's. I had some contractions went in to get checked out and after waiting an hour i was induced. Alyssa's birth was a little more dramatic because they came in and measured me and after 30 minutes i felt extreme pressure and the need to push. I had an epidural but i could feel pressure. I yelled for the nurse and she came in and said they just measured me and there was nothing to worry about. I got really angry and said "No you need to check me again because i feel extreme pressure!" This stupid nurse wouldn't listen to me and so i felt down and sure enough my little girl was waiting to come out.....the nurse got mad at me for doing that because it's not safe and i was pissed at her because she didn't listen to me. I wouldn't let her be in the room for the delivery. Another nurse really got on my nerves, she kept insisting that i cross my arms during the delivery and it felt unnatural and i didn't like it. I am not sure what happened with my epidural, maybe it started wearing off but i felt part of Alyssa's birth. I started complaining that i could feel her when she was coming out, it wasn't full on feeling it but it was more pain and pressure than i had felt with the previous two births. Luckily her birth went smooth but man she came out one unhappy, hungry baby.
Aspen: I gave birth to Aspen when i was 22 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was born at almost 38 weeks. If i would of been one day later it would of been 38 weeks. On January 23, around 8 pm I was having really bad back pain...which is normal during pregnancy but this back pain was taking my breath away. I took a really hot bath in my mom's jet tub and tried to relax. After that didn't work i took some Tylenol and laid down with a hot pad and fell asleep. Around 11 pm i woke up and thought i had peed in my sleep...than i realized MY WATER HAD BROKE! I was super excited because i always wanted to experience having my water break. It was actually pretty gross and it felt like i had peed my pants but i was still excited to have experienced that. This was also the first pregnancy where i had back labor, i really hope i don't have that this pregnancy...that hurt!! Even the epidural was painful because my back was so sensitive. I went to the hospital got the process started and like i said got an epidural. (Can you tell i don't like pain?) Aspen's birth was exhausting and it felt like it took forever pushing. I ended up needing oxygen because i was so out of breath. I kept saying "I can't push anymore, i can't push anymore" I was super tired. This delivery i was completely in control, another nurse tried to get me to cross my arms and i snapped back "No, i want my arms like this!"...she shut up real fast. Aspen was born 12:22 pm on January 24. She came out one happy baby and slept a lot.
I have one more birthing experience to go through but as you can tell from experience i am a pro! As long as i have my epidural, the nurses leave me alone i am fine. I am getting my tubes tied after this one as i mentioned in a previous post. I kinda want my water to break again....the labor was a lot easier on my body because it was done naturally.
March 5, 2012
My little one...
Week 13 my love! I am getting excited to find out if mommy & daddy are having another girl or if you'll be our first boy together! I still have no idea what to name you if you are a girl, if you are a boy we really like the name Aiden (still not sure on the spelling).
I swear i can feel you moving, kicking, dancing....or whatever you're doing in there. Daddy doesn't think it's possible this early but i am quite sure that it's you. Mommy is starting to show a little bit! I am happy because it means you are growing and getting strong like you should and also people won't think i am over doing it on the fries anymore. :) I want to hold you so bad! I know that i have to be patient so I am so excited to really feel you move around, i know daddy is too.
I just want you to know how much you are already loved. Mommy was really scared when i found out i was pregnant with you, but daddy helped mommy see that everything would be okay. You really have a great dad, little one. The way daddy looks at his babies is so heartwarming. He is full of so much love, he really is.
I often wonder who you'll look like, it's hard because i don't know if you are a boy or girl though. I really think you are a boy....but I've been wrong before so i really have no idea. Daddy thinks you are a boy. He says he is due for another boy. Neither of us will mind if you are a boy or a girl, we just want you to be healthy and happy.
I love you little one! -All my love, Mommy.
I swear i can feel you moving, kicking, dancing....or whatever you're doing in there. Daddy doesn't think it's possible this early but i am quite sure that it's you. Mommy is starting to show a little bit! I am happy because it means you are growing and getting strong like you should and also people won't think i am over doing it on the fries anymore. :) I want to hold you so bad! I know that i have to be patient so I am so excited to really feel you move around, i know daddy is too.
I just want you to know how much you are already loved. Mommy was really scared when i found out i was pregnant with you, but daddy helped mommy see that everything would be okay. You really have a great dad, little one. The way daddy looks at his babies is so heartwarming. He is full of so much love, he really is.
I often wonder who you'll look like, it's hard because i don't know if you are a boy or girl though. I really think you are a boy....but I've been wrong before so i really have no idea. Daddy thinks you are a boy. He says he is due for another boy. Neither of us will mind if you are a boy or a girl, we just want you to be healthy and happy.
I love you little one! -All my love, Mommy.
March 2, 2012
aAll about Aspen Jean Marie
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Losing my Father
From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov...
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From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov... -
In the last 5 months, I have kept pretty quiet. I haven't posted much on here, or any other social media about the loss of my step...