In life we can't always control what happens...but we can control how we react to situations.
You can either hold your head held high & keep on moving along or you can play the "pity party" card and sulk. I know which i always choose. Granted everyone is allowed time to process, grieve if needed & feel bad for themselves etc, but then you must pick you self up and keep going. It's a must. There's always going to be struggles...always going to be people who you thought were your friends and turned out to be something different. Sometimes you can't see it coming...there's no way to stop a train from coming if you don't see it coming.....Just pick up the pieces and pull yourself back together. :)
December 5, 2011
December 1, 2011
Butterflies in my life!!!
When i was younger i wanted to get a tattoo but until recently i didn't know what i wanted to get.
I never wanted to get a tattoo unless it had meaning and i found EXACTLY what i am going to do!!
It's going to be a butterfly..and it's going to go on my left shoulder..by at a slant.
The body of the butterfly will be the "Stop Child Abuse" blue ribbon and i will find a kick-ass butterfly!
I am getting it for many reasons....because i am a survivor of sexual abuse (Uncle) and my heart goes out to all the children out there who are helpless & don't have a voice...I will be there voice!!!
Here's an idea of what the the butterfly will look like....
http://rlv.zcache.com/blue_ribbon_butterflies_prevent_child_abuse_button-p145664873178543912t5sj_400.jpg
I never wanted to get a tattoo unless it had meaning and i found EXACTLY what i am going to do!!
It's going to be a butterfly..and it's going to go on my left shoulder..by at a slant.
The body of the butterfly will be the "Stop Child Abuse" blue ribbon and i will find a kick-ass butterfly!
I am getting it for many reasons....because i am a survivor of sexual abuse (Uncle) and my heart goes out to all the children out there who are helpless & don't have a voice...I will be there voice!!!
Here's an idea of what the the butterfly will look like....
http://rlv.zcache.com/blue_ribbon_butterflies_prevent_child_abuse_button-p145664873178543912t5sj_400.jpg
I'm okay...
I'm doing my own thing...I'm on my own grind
for the first time I'm livin'...not totally blind.
The smile on my lips...the light in my eyes
as the hope grows...the saddness dies.
I fought through the pain...i cried the tears
strength is what became of my fears.
You couldn't break me...I remain here strong
and only to myself...do i now belong.
Many more battles will come my way
but today i realized...that I'm okay.
-Jamie Lynn
for the first time I'm livin'...not totally blind.
The smile on my lips...the light in my eyes
as the hope grows...the saddness dies.
I fought through the pain...i cried the tears
strength is what became of my fears.
You couldn't break me...I remain here strong
and only to myself...do i now belong.
Many more battles will come my way
but today i realized...that I'm okay.
-Jamie Lynn
Things that women love that a man does while...well you know...
- When you put your hand under her head...if you slip your fingers through her hair too, even better!
- Being kissed on the forehead right after..It makes us feel special.
- If we are on our stomach & you wrap your arms around us...it shows us you care.
- A good hair pulling is good too...but NOT from the top of our head..think "pony tail".
There's a good start...If i think of more i will add to it!! :)
- Being kissed on the forehead right after..It makes us feel special.
- If we are on our stomach & you wrap your arms around us...it shows us you care.
- A good hair pulling is good too...but NOT from the top of our head..think "pony tail".
There's a good start...If i think of more i will add to it!! :)
July 22, 2011
Is it the end of a relationship or beginning of a beautiful friendship??
Recently i broke up with my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. We have many ups, many downs and in the middle made two beautiful little girls. I'm sad about the ending of the relationship because i feel like I'm losing my best friend. Even though i loved this man, we just weren't good together, we brought out the worst in each other. It seemed like our good times were becoming far and in between and the bad times more frequently. I knew that i had to end it before i got worse and prevented us from being able to co-parent our children. Although this split wasn't amicable i am hopeful that one day we can be friends because i will miss my friend if not. Sometimes love isn't enough, sometimes you need more. It's bad when your two year old walks in the room and says "Stop fighting guys!" That's something a little innocent nugget should be saying or thinking. It was time to pull away before we tarnished the memories and time together. I am hopeful that isn't just an ending of a relationship but the beginning of a beautiful friendship. :)
June 11, 2011
Our "Justice" System
I really wish our country would come up with a better justice system!!
Why does it take 3+ years to go to trial just to wait threw appeals after appeals before they exhaust all of their appeals for justice to finally be served??
Take Casey Anthony for example...she murdered her baby girl in 2008 & here it is 2011 and they are just starting her trial. When she is convicted and sentenced it will be tied up in court over appeals for years!
Why did Elizabeth Smart have to wait soooo many years to finally have justice and a peace of mind for what happened to her?
Why are the West Memphis three still in prison when there is DNA proving they never murdered those three young boys??Two are serving a life sentence and one is on death row and has been for 19 years. The surpreme court ordered a new court date to see if the new evidence and jury misconduct could prove these men are actually innocent....almost a year ago.
How much longer are we going to pretend this system is working?
Why are child molesters and abusers only serving HALF their sentences just to be sent back out into the world to prey on more children?
Over 60% of sexual abuse crimes happen with a abuser who already has a record. Most abusers start small and get big and their crimes get worse.
It may start out as touching but by the end that isn't enough, then it becomes rape, then rape and murder.
How much longer are we going to pretend this is working!!
Why are men/women serving longer sentences for drugs then abusing or taking lives? You kill someone you're out in 5 years, but get caught with drugs and you're in for 15 years?? Doesn't seem so right.
Of course every case is different and this doesn't go for every case but it seems to be a growing trend.
Why do we have men/women on death row who are innocent? Why are the guilty ones free?
There is a new law that has been passed that when a person is sent to prison their DNA is immediantly put into a system so if they commit more crimes they'll know who did it....why not do this at birth??
When a child is born they take blood for testing anyways, why not take their DNA and put it on file from day one? I promise the crime rate would go from high to almost non existent.
When the FBI takes evidence from crimes scenes they run it through a system to hopefully find a match, either from previous offenders, DMV records etc.
If we took DNA from day one they could just run it through the system and BAM there would be a match!!
Sometimes that is not enough, why do we have to wait until there's been a crime to do something?? Why can't we start preventing them?
Yes, I realize it would cost a lot of money, a lot of workers and time to put everyone's DNA on file but it would be so worth it.
Victims shouldn't have to wait years to finally have justice, nor should prisoners wait in prison for their day in court. They need to make these things happen faster. I understand it takes time to build a case, gather evidence & all the facts but so many cases just make a mockery of the justice system, it's a joke.
With every year our country is coming up with more and more ways to solve crimes and find out who committed them, why shouldn't the justice system evolve as well?
Take Scott Person for example he was proven beyond a shadow of doubt with DNA evidence etc of killing Lacey Peterson and their unborn son Conner & has been sitting on death row for 5+ years....why have a freaking death row if they aren't going to do it??
Why should Laceys parents wait for her justice this whole time?
I'm an eye for an eye. I know many people feel it's wrong but you take a life without it being self defense you should not be aloud to live.
Our country had gone lazy and soft.
Take Lori Hacking for example, he shot her point blank in the head while she was pregnant, coped a plea and is serving a life sentence......
.....why should we give him a plea when he wouldn't listen to the plea of his scared dying wife? It's disgusting and wrong!!!
Take the beautiful jonbenet ramsey, murdered violently at age six in 1996!!! Her case pisses me off so much!! So much evidence and yet NOTHING!! That little girl deserves to rest in peace!!
I understand what I just said has a lot of holes but the point is our justice system isn't working. Children are still being molested, kidnapped, raped & murdered. Women are still being abused, raped & murdered & men are still being murdered.
When are we going to stop turning our heads, refusing to read the stories, turning the channel and start doing something?
We can all pretend to live in our own little world but it's happening all around us.
Why do we only act AFTER it happens to one of our families?
Why does it take 3+ years to go to trial just to wait threw appeals after appeals before they exhaust all of their appeals for justice to finally be served??
Take Casey Anthony for example...she murdered her baby girl in 2008 & here it is 2011 and they are just starting her trial. When she is convicted and sentenced it will be tied up in court over appeals for years!
Why did Elizabeth Smart have to wait soooo many years to finally have justice and a peace of mind for what happened to her?
Why are the West Memphis three still in prison when there is DNA proving they never murdered those three young boys??Two are serving a life sentence and one is on death row and has been for 19 years. The surpreme court ordered a new court date to see if the new evidence and jury misconduct could prove these men are actually innocent....almost a year ago.
How much longer are we going to pretend this system is working?
Why are child molesters and abusers only serving HALF their sentences just to be sent back out into the world to prey on more children?
Over 60% of sexual abuse crimes happen with a abuser who already has a record. Most abusers start small and get big and their crimes get worse.
It may start out as touching but by the end that isn't enough, then it becomes rape, then rape and murder.
How much longer are we going to pretend this is working!!
Why are men/women serving longer sentences for drugs then abusing or taking lives? You kill someone you're out in 5 years, but get caught with drugs and you're in for 15 years?? Doesn't seem so right.
Of course every case is different and this doesn't go for every case but it seems to be a growing trend.
Why do we have men/women on death row who are innocent? Why are the guilty ones free?
There is a new law that has been passed that when a person is sent to prison their DNA is immediantly put into a system so if they commit more crimes they'll know who did it....why not do this at birth??
When a child is born they take blood for testing anyways, why not take their DNA and put it on file from day one? I promise the crime rate would go from high to almost non existent.
When the FBI takes evidence from crimes scenes they run it through a system to hopefully find a match, either from previous offenders, DMV records etc.
If we took DNA from day one they could just run it through the system and BAM there would be a match!!
Sometimes that is not enough, why do we have to wait until there's been a crime to do something?? Why can't we start preventing them?
Yes, I realize it would cost a lot of money, a lot of workers and time to put everyone's DNA on file but it would be so worth it.
Victims shouldn't have to wait years to finally have justice, nor should prisoners wait in prison for their day in court. They need to make these things happen faster. I understand it takes time to build a case, gather evidence & all the facts but so many cases just make a mockery of the justice system, it's a joke.
With every year our country is coming up with more and more ways to solve crimes and find out who committed them, why shouldn't the justice system evolve as well?
Take Scott Person for example he was proven beyond a shadow of doubt with DNA evidence etc of killing Lacey Peterson and their unborn son Conner & has been sitting on death row for 5+ years....why have a freaking death row if they aren't going to do it??
Why should Laceys parents wait for her justice this whole time?
I'm an eye for an eye. I know many people feel it's wrong but you take a life without it being self defense you should not be aloud to live.
Our country had gone lazy and soft.
Take Lori Hacking for example, he shot her point blank in the head while she was pregnant, coped a plea and is serving a life sentence......
.....why should we give him a plea when he wouldn't listen to the plea of his scared dying wife? It's disgusting and wrong!!!
Take the beautiful jonbenet ramsey, murdered violently at age six in 1996!!! Her case pisses me off so much!! So much evidence and yet NOTHING!! That little girl deserves to rest in peace!!
I understand what I just said has a lot of holes but the point is our justice system isn't working. Children are still being molested, kidnapped, raped & murdered. Women are still being abused, raped & murdered & men are still being murdered.
When are we going to stop turning our heads, refusing to read the stories, turning the channel and start doing something?
We can all pretend to live in our own little world but it's happening all around us.
Why do we only act AFTER it happens to one of our families?
May 21, 2011
Being blunt is the new trend....
People that know me describe me as a blunt person. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I pride myself on being this way because I'd rather be real to your face than fake behind your back, and let's face it, those are the only two types of people out there. Sometimes I over do it and stick my foot or even feet in my mouth but who doesn't every now and then?? I feel like the older I get the less drive I have to censor myself for other people...I mean why should I?does it really spare their feelings if I lie and tell them later on? I pride myself on the fact that people know me as a unconventional person who says it like she sees it. I feel like my friendships are better, closer, and based upon mural trust and respect because like a birds of a feather, we all flock together. There is no BS in my relationships/friendships we say it like we feel it, and there is no confusion or question on where anyone stands.
I wish that more people could understand and respect how I chose to be so blunt and not get so offended all the time. I am sparing your feelings in the long run. If you don't want the truth, don't open your mouth!
I wish that more people could understand and respect how I chose to be so blunt and not get so offended all the time. I am sparing your feelings in the long run. If you don't want the truth, don't open your mouth!
April 26, 2011
April 25, 2011
Easterrrr time in NuggetVille!!!
I love my kids!! All having so much fun!
Miss Alexia Kelly!
April 17, 2011
Changes
So, I've been going through a lot of changes recently. I got my hair layered, colored & my nose pierced, but my biggest change is internal. I feel so strong lately. For once in my life i am not so worried about the future, i am more confident in myself and i know that no matter what, i will pull through whatever. I feel more beautiful than i ever have, not just on the outside but on the inside. I am a better mother, friend and person as a whole. I am so glad that i made the decision that i did, its completed me in so many ways. All i need now is a little closure & i am complete this journey that i am on.
March 16, 2011
Sad day...
Today was a very exhausting day!!! I feel like i have cried every last emotion out of me. Today my EX & father of my two children went back to jail, it was only for a ticket he didn't pay from 3 years ago but his booking picture spoke more than words ever could.
I could tell from just a simple glance that he is using again. He was only in jail for a couple of hours until they released him. When he called i straight out asked him if i drugged tested him if he would pass & he replied "No...I've done Extascy a couple of times, a couple lines of coke & shrums but i haven't done heroin". I was just stunned by his honesty. I am not sure if it was because he acted like just because it was heroin it made all the other drugs okay, or the fact that he is still doing drugs that hardcore, or at all for that matter.
I will never understand how ANY parent can choose anything over their children. I look at my son & my daughter and i enjoy everything about them, i wouldn't want to miss a thing, not a smile or a single tear. He has been out of jail (from a 6 month stint) and he has seen his children 3 times, all of them because someone picked him up and basically did it for him. Last night was his sons birthday and he couldn't even show up to that. I just find this situation extremely sad.
I have the best dad in the world, the most supportive, loving father & that is all i ever wanted for my two oldest children. I am at the realization that he will never be this kind of father. He told me tonight that he's done drugs every sense i met him, the whole time we were married. I thought that he started the drugs AFTER we split up and I've been carrying this burden of guilt around for the last 5 years. I feel guilty, mad & really sad that this is the person i picked to have my children with. Why couldn't i have been smarter? Why didn't i know he was using? I just don't understand how any person can pick drugs over their own children.
I feel like my whole "marriage" was a lie. Any part of him i held in high regard was torn apart by his confession tonight. Not only did he confess to doing drugs but he also confessed tonight to selling them. I hope there's an ending to this really soon because i don't know how to explain this situation to my children. He is more then 10 grand behind in child support as well. I told him that if he wants to see his children he must submit to a drugs test and PASS before he gets too. I will not give him a chance to hurt them.
On a final note: Everyone can create and bring a child into this world but actually raising, loving & putting in the work & effort is a whole other story. I am heartbroken :(
I will never understand how ANY parent can choose anything over their children. I look at my son & my daughter and i enjoy everything about them, i wouldn't want to miss a thing, not a smile or a single tear. He has been out of jail (from a 6 month stint) and he has seen his children 3 times, all of them because someone picked him up and basically did it for him. Last night was his sons birthday and he couldn't even show up to that. I just find this situation extremely sad.
I have the best dad in the world, the most supportive, loving father & that is all i ever wanted for my two oldest children. I am at the realization that he will never be this kind of father. He told me tonight that he's done drugs every sense i met him, the whole time we were married. I thought that he started the drugs AFTER we split up and I've been carrying this burden of guilt around for the last 5 years. I feel guilty, mad & really sad that this is the person i picked to have my children with. Why couldn't i have been smarter? Why didn't i know he was using? I just don't understand how any person can pick drugs over their own children.
I feel like my whole "marriage" was a lie. Any part of him i held in high regard was torn apart by his confession tonight. Not only did he confess to doing drugs but he also confessed tonight to selling them. I hope there's an ending to this really soon because i don't know how to explain this situation to my children. He is more then 10 grand behind in child support as well. I told him that if he wants to see his children he must submit to a drugs test and PASS before he gets too. I will not give him a chance to hurt them.
On a final note: Everyone can create and bring a child into this world but actually raising, loving & putting in the work & effort is a whole other story. I am heartbroken :(
March 15, 2011
My Dear Austen Jay...
Today you turn five years old!! I can remember like it happened yesterday, you came into the world the happiest baby bouncing boy I've ever seen. You laid there just looking around the room, your head turning this way & that way, your eyes so big just taking in the world. Of course that was over after the nurse gave you a bath, you did NOT like that bath. You are the most perfect son i could ask for. You are mommy's whole world & my little buddy. You are so sensitive to how mommy is feeling, if i am sad you stay close to my side, if a tear ever falls you are there to tell me "Mommy don't cry, you always tell me it's going to be okay". You are such a boy's boy. You love to play ANY sport, play video games & play with cars & dinosaurs. I couldn't be prouder to have a son like you. I LOVE YOU AUSTEN JAY!!!
March 14, 2011
New Changes,,,
So, i have decided that i am going to pierce my nose! I have wanted to pierce it since i was a little girl, so on the 25th i am going to do it! It will be on my left side of the nose & just a tiny little stud. I am excited but terrified of the pain. eeeeekkkk! This is why i will be drinking a lot before doing it. :D I have the whole thing planned out...I know this may sound a little dramatic BUUT i cried when i got my ears pierced for the second time, i have a very LOW tolerance to pain. :( I will post pictures when i am done!
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Losing my Father
From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov...
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From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov... -
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It's funny how life can take new meaning. As you get older, the things that once mattered, no longer do. You realize that going out to ...