Yesterday i heard your heartbeat for the very first time. I cried. It was a steady and strong 155 beats per minute. Mommy and you are very healthy. :) Our Dr (Dr. Russell Smith) is very pleased with everything.
You are my 5th and last child but you are such a miracle and blessing, I want you to know that. I love you so very much and I haven't even met you, never felt you kick, never even seen your face.
It's strange though because i feel like i do know you in some ways already though.
If you are a boy your dad & i are going to name you Aiden Strevell and if you are a girl we are thinking Ashlynn Grace, Ashlynn Nicole, Ashlynn Rose.....not quite sure yet. I am hoping you are a boy but i will love you regardless. I just hope you come out healthy & happy.
This pregnancy has been verrrrrrry different from my others. I am not sick. I have only gotten sick 4 different times (this morning being one of them). It's mainly from stress or not eating (due to nausea).
Things i normally LOVE to eat, i can't stand....such as onions, cabbage, broccoli, & a lot of sweets i normally like i don't right now.
I am starting to feel better, have a little more energy, which is really really nice.
Your siblings are so excited to meet you!! Alexia talks about you all the time and asks a million questions a day. Austen really wants you to be a boy so he can finally have a brother. He says if you are a girl he will never play with his sisters again, but he's only 6 so what does he really know. :) Alyssa really wants you to be a girl & so does Aspen, they think Austen is mean to them sometimes so they are wishing for another sister. :)
I am so excited to feel you kick and move around. I am only 12 1/2 weeks so i have a few more weeks to go but i am still so very excited!! I can't wait to lay down and feel you move, have hiccups & just feel you move, all of it, i can't wait!!
I lay in bed and imagine you laying next to me and watching you sleep and us looking at each other. I can't wait to meet you little one! I wonder if you'll come out with a lot of hair like Aspen or come out with very little like Alyssa. I wonder how big you will be? Will you be little like Alexia (5'10) or bigger like Alyssa (6'10)...or be my biggest baby yet??? I just can't wait to meet you little one....until then i promise to give you a safe, healthy place to grow and get big & strong enough so you can come out healthy in 5 months and meet us. :)
Love you nugget!
February 29, 2012
February 27, 2012
Mom, i want to be more like you....
As i tossed and turned, stirred and grunted in my bed last night trying to find the right position to fall asleep i realized that it was much more than a comfortable position i was trying to find. I had something on my mind that was bugging me and so i lay there for the next 2 1/2 hours and thought, and thought, and thought.
Here's my conclusion......I really hate it when people praise me on what a great mother i am, and how much strength i have. Because on most days i don't feel like i am doing my best, and some days i want to quit and just cry. Being a mother is the best gift ever given to me, and that's what it is, it's a gift. I appreciate every one of my little gifts but the reality is, motherhood isn't easy.
Most days i search for energy i don't have, patience i wish i had, and skills i don't possess.
I go to bed thinking that i should of said "I love you" one more time, read one more book, or given one more hug. I always feel like i should do just a little more. Maybe that's not fair to put my expectations that high but my mother always had enough patience, she always had enough time, and always knew what to do.
I know i know, i am not my mother but i strive to be like her because let's face it, you don't get much better than her. My father is also very loving, understanding, and giving as well but there's nothing quite like a mother's love. My mother is amazing, my best friend, my rock. Without my mother......I don't know what i would do. Everything i know is because of her.
The point of this blog is not to throw a pity party for myself because i know i am a good mother, i know my nuggets are well taken care of, loved for & happy, healthy children. The point is to say that i want to be more like my mother, a little more caring, patient, make more time for my children & also always know how to help whatever their facing. I want my children to look back at their childhood and feel the way i do about mine....that is was the best time of their lives & whatever they faced, their mother was always there....their rock. (:
Here's my conclusion......I really hate it when people praise me on what a great mother i am, and how much strength i have. Because on most days i don't feel like i am doing my best, and some days i want to quit and just cry. Being a mother is the best gift ever given to me, and that's what it is, it's a gift. I appreciate every one of my little gifts but the reality is, motherhood isn't easy.
Most days i search for energy i don't have, patience i wish i had, and skills i don't possess.
I go to bed thinking that i should of said "I love you" one more time, read one more book, or given one more hug. I always feel like i should do just a little more. Maybe that's not fair to put my expectations that high but my mother always had enough patience, she always had enough time, and always knew what to do.
I know i know, i am not my mother but i strive to be like her because let's face it, you don't get much better than her. My father is also very loving, understanding, and giving as well but there's nothing quite like a mother's love. My mother is amazing, my best friend, my rock. Without my mother......I don't know what i would do. Everything i know is because of her.
The point of this blog is not to throw a pity party for myself because i know i am a good mother, i know my nuggets are well taken care of, loved for & happy, healthy children. The point is to say that i want to be more like my mother, a little more caring, patient, make more time for my children & also always know how to help whatever their facing. I want my children to look back at their childhood and feel the way i do about mine....that is was the best time of their lives & whatever they faced, their mother was always there....their rock. (:
February 14, 2012
Right here waiting for you....
Stuck in a moment, frozen in time
it is stuck with you, this heart of mine.
The years roll by, and i keep dating
but my heart is stuck in time just waiting
The tears have dried, the anger subsided
but can i ever let it go? That's undecided.
The first one cuts the deepest, it's true
and no greater pain then the day i said "I do".
I look at you & i don't know you now
I'm trying to let go of that dream....but how?
"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you" - Richard Marx
it is stuck with you, this heart of mine.
The years roll by, and i keep dating
but my heart is stuck in time just waiting
The tears have dried, the anger subsided
but can i ever let it go? That's undecided.
The first one cuts the deepest, it's true
and no greater pain then the day i said "I do".
I look at you & i don't know you now
I'm trying to let go of that dream....but how?
"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you" - Richard Marx
My 5 little nuggets.
I am trying to write at least one blog a day....I feel like this blog is my diary, i write down what i am feeling and thinking and once i do, i leave it here and move on with my life.
Today's blog will be about my 5 children. For the last month in a half i have been thinking about my 5 children, what people's opinions are of me. I can hear the comments in my head "Don't you know how to use protection?" "Have you ever considered adoption?" "Wow, 5 kids, that's a lot, i hope you are prepared". buuuuut luckily i have a wonderful mother and a wonderful friend who've helped me look at my situation a little differently.
Yes, i have 5 kids, although one little nugget is on it's way, i technically am a mother of 5 children. My friend Andrea grew up in a family of 8 kids, she was the third out of eight and she herself wants to have at least 6 kids because she loved growing up with so many siblings. She says " We had a blast there was always someone to play with or someone to talk to. There were lots of people that I knew loved me. I never needed anyone except my siblings. We traded bedrooms and roommates each year. Every summer we would trade and live somewhere else with a different sister"
My mother also grew up in a family full of 8 children. She has told me many of times how much she loved growing up with so many siblings. My mother was the youngest of 8 and looooooved being the baby of so many siblings.
I am NOT shooting for 8 nuggets, in fact i am tying my tubes after this one but the point is, yes i have 5 children but they will always have each other, tons of memories together, friends in school, shoulders to cry on, and always someone to play with. I look at my big beautiful family as something pretty special, because no matter what....I'll always have them! :)
Today's blog will be about my 5 children. For the last month in a half i have been thinking about my 5 children, what people's opinions are of me. I can hear the comments in my head "Don't you know how to use protection?" "Have you ever considered adoption?" "Wow, 5 kids, that's a lot, i hope you are prepared". buuuuut luckily i have a wonderful mother and a wonderful friend who've helped me look at my situation a little differently.
Yes, i have 5 kids, although one little nugget is on it's way, i technically am a mother of 5 children. My friend Andrea grew up in a family of 8 kids, she was the third out of eight and she herself wants to have at least 6 kids because she loved growing up with so many siblings. She says " We had a blast there was always someone to play with or someone to talk to. There were lots of people that I knew loved me. I never needed anyone except my siblings. We traded bedrooms and roommates each year. Every summer we would trade and live somewhere else with a different sister"
My mother also grew up in a family full of 8 children. She has told me many of times how much she loved growing up with so many siblings. My mother was the youngest of 8 and looooooved being the baby of so many siblings.
I am NOT shooting for 8 nuggets, in fact i am tying my tubes after this one but the point is, yes i have 5 children but they will always have each other, tons of memories together, friends in school, shoulders to cry on, and always someone to play with. I look at my big beautiful family as something pretty special, because no matter what....I'll always have them! :)
February 7, 2012
God Bless Our Lost Angels
This whole Josh Powell case has shaken my whole world. I cried for three in a half hours yesterday and just when i stopped they released the autopsy of the two little boys. Not only did that evil monster blow up and murder his own children, he slit their necks with a hatchet!! They said the "official" cause of death was from smoke inhalation...so they were still alive after their father sliced them up and they were left bleeding in pain, scared to death of the hot scary flames daddy set and gasping for air. They ran into that house excited to see daddy and the last memory they have being alive is daddy hurting them.....where is GOD!!! Where are you God? Where is your mercy?? I am angry!!! I am angry at you! I am angry at our system! I am angry that so many children suffer and NO ONE is doing anything to stop it!
I wish i could do something, i wish that my tears and angry emotional words would make a dent, but the reality is, it won't. I wish i was as famous as Lady Gaga....I look at her and how much of an effect she's had on the Gay and Lesbian community, (which i think is great and it was time someone did what she has) but i would take the same passion she has for them and turn the attention towards child abuse.
I am angry that we seem to protect the violators & sick MONSTERS more than we do the children. We throw the child molesters in solitary confinement and strap bullet proof vests on murders and FOR WHAT??! Where's the REAL punishments for their crimes?? Throw them in the public prison....why should we care about their rights and safety when they clearly don't care for a tiny child's?? 15 years for murdering and raping a child, be put on a "sex offenders" list and your debt to society is paid!! Where is the death penalty?? Why aren't more people enraged?!! For every ONE story on the news about a missing, abused, neglected. murdered child....there's hundreds NOT being reported on!! It's an epidemic and it's only getting worse!! We send our troops over seas to fight for our freedom, our safety and FOR WHY?? We can't even protect our own innocent children here!! Do we really deserve to feel safe, when so many children will never feel that?? That little 4 year old girl who is repeatedly raped but her mother turned a blind eyes and shuts the door as her child screams go on ignored......That little boy who is thrown into a closet and not allowed to eat for days and beat when he tries to sneak food.....The kids who are hit, kicked, thrown, bit and burned when their parents decide to get drunk/high and go into an enraged stupor. The parents who turn a blind eye when they know their child is being abused or are the one's committing the abuse.....why do these people deserve the rights that so many soliders have died for??
I have no words....no words can express my sorrow. No words can express my pain. I want to hug that little child who only gets hit and screamed at. I want to feed that child who hasn't eaten in days. I want to bath that child who is neglected and his diaper is eating away his skin. I want those children to know that no one will ever touch them inappropriately again. Children don't choose to be here....they are brought here, they shouldn't ever feel anything but love and happiness.
When is enough, enough?? When are we going to stand up and do something?? What's the definition of insanity?? Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...OUR SYSTEM ISN'T WORKING!!!! How many more children will be abused, neglected, tortured and murdered before we say ENOUGH!!!
RIP to Caylee Anthony, JonBenét Ramsey, Ethan Stacey, Kelsie Smith Briggs and Susan Powell's little Angels Braden & Charlie.....just a few of the children who have captured my attention and who's stories and deaths of broken my heart....
When is enough, enough????? http://sites.google.com/site/chilrenstempletepages
I wish i could do something, i wish that my tears and angry emotional words would make a dent, but the reality is, it won't. I wish i was as famous as Lady Gaga....I look at her and how much of an effect she's had on the Gay and Lesbian community, (which i think is great and it was time someone did what she has) but i would take the same passion she has for them and turn the attention towards child abuse.
I am angry that we seem to protect the violators & sick MONSTERS more than we do the children. We throw the child molesters in solitary confinement and strap bullet proof vests on murders and FOR WHAT??! Where's the REAL punishments for their crimes?? Throw them in the public prison....why should we care about their rights and safety when they clearly don't care for a tiny child's?? 15 years for murdering and raping a child, be put on a "sex offenders" list and your debt to society is paid!! Where is the death penalty?? Why aren't more people enraged?!! For every ONE story on the news about a missing, abused, neglected. murdered child....there's hundreds NOT being reported on!! It's an epidemic and it's only getting worse!! We send our troops over seas to fight for our freedom, our safety and FOR WHY?? We can't even protect our own innocent children here!! Do we really deserve to feel safe, when so many children will never feel that?? That little 4 year old girl who is repeatedly raped but her mother turned a blind eyes and shuts the door as her child screams go on ignored......That little boy who is thrown into a closet and not allowed to eat for days and beat when he tries to sneak food.....The kids who are hit, kicked, thrown, bit and burned when their parents decide to get drunk/high and go into an enraged stupor. The parents who turn a blind eye when they know their child is being abused or are the one's committing the abuse.....why do these people deserve the rights that so many soliders have died for??
I have no words....no words can express my sorrow. No words can express my pain. I want to hug that little child who only gets hit and screamed at. I want to feed that child who hasn't eaten in days. I want to bath that child who is neglected and his diaper is eating away his skin. I want those children to know that no one will ever touch them inappropriately again. Children don't choose to be here....they are brought here, they shouldn't ever feel anything but love and happiness.
When is enough, enough?? When are we going to stand up and do something?? What's the definition of insanity?? Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...OUR SYSTEM ISN'T WORKING!!!! How many more children will be abused, neglected, tortured and murdered before we say ENOUGH!!!
RIP to Caylee Anthony, JonBenét Ramsey, Ethan Stacey, Kelsie Smith Briggs and Susan Powell's little Angels Braden & Charlie.....just a few of the children who have captured my attention and who's stories and deaths of broken my heart....
When is enough, enough????? http://sites.google.com/site/chilrenstempletepages
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Losing my Father
From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov...
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From such a young age, I dreaded getting that phone call. I imagined how I react and tried to imagine the pain I'd feel. I played it ov... -
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