I feel like I am stuck. Everything around me is okay, I have beautiful, healthy, happy children, a job that pays the bills, and everything I need. I still feel stuck. I am stuck in this dark space in my head and no matter how I try to shake it, it still lingers. Maybe it's depression? Maybe it's the Bi Polar? Whatever it is, it is draining the life out of me. I hate that I feel this way when there's so many people in this world facing worse, while having less. I feel selfish and hate that I don't feel more grateful for the life that was given to me. I beat myself up because there's really no excuse to feel the way I do. I can't explain the way I feel except stuck. I can't remember the last time I was TRULY happy. Happy without all the worries, and stress. Happy just for the sake of being happy. I don't feel like myself. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the person staring back at me most days. I have no addictions, I'm not an alcoholic, there's no chemical that's changing my behavior, but yet, stuck. I keep waiting for it to pass, waiting to feel normal again, but yet, stuck. Maybe I've stretched myself to thin, gave too much of myself away and left nothing for myself? Maybe life has just taken it's toll on me? Maybe I'm having a mental breakdown? Who really knows. All that I do know, it's that I miss me. I miss the fierce, happy, bubbly, outgoing person I used to be. These days I go to work then go home. That's it. That's my life. I have no desire to do much, sleep is more appealing than anything. Maybe I'm just lonely? Again, who knows. Most days I don't feel anything at all. I walk around feeling completely out of it, until I have an anxiety attack over something dumb. I have so much to be grateful for, why can't I get out of this funk I'm in? Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I am going to name 5 things I am grateful for now:
1. The health and safety of my loved ones. I couldn't live without my parents, siblings, and my children. They are my heart and soul.
2. My job. I am grateful to be able to pay my bills and support my children.
3. I am grateful for my amazing friends. My friend carry me when I am too weak to crawl, and never let me drown.
4. Music. I constantly have headphones in trying to tune out the rest of the world.
5. Comfort food. When all else fails, bury your feelings deep down and pile cake on top of it. :)
I am going to name 5 things I am grateful for now:
1. The health and safety of my loved ones. I couldn't live without my parents, siblings, and my children. They are my heart and soul.
2. My job. I am grateful to be able to pay my bills and support my children.
3. I am grateful for my amazing friends. My friend carry me when I am too weak to crawl, and never let me drown.
4. Music. I constantly have headphones in trying to tune out the rest of the world.
5. Comfort food. When all else fails, bury your feelings deep down and pile cake on top of it. :)
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