One day you will wake up and realize you lost the one person who truly loved you. You spent your whole life feeling unloved, misunderstood, and alone. You just let go of the person you said "feels like home." I loved you unconditionally. I was willing to look past your flaws because I believed in the man you are and the one you could be. I looked past the roller coaster because I believed the good out weighed the bad. I turned my head, and told myself I was crazy, even when I knew without a doubt, because I thought we had something real, something special, something that no one else could understand. I believed in us. I believed in our love.
One day you are going to have to deal with what you let go of. You've said it's "karma" but when you wake up in a few days, weeks, or even months and realize I did nothing but love you, you'll realize I never deserved that kind of karma. I never cheated. I never did anything but love you unconditionally. My family may not be perfect but we have always been there for each other and they've never been anything but kind to you. All I ever wanted was to see you smile. One day you will wake up and that light I put in your eyes will have faded and you will once again be the lost, sad, depressed person you were when this all started. It didn't work for 9 years, don't be a fool in believing it ever will. You can't build a house with the same bricks you tore down and used to throw at each other, eventually that house will crumble, just like it did before.You left for a reason....those reasons still exist.
This isn't about her though, it never was.....
I have always believed in love but now I am not sure. I don't understand how something that felt so right, could turn out to be so wrong? With you knowing what I had been through in the past, I trusted you in not being another thing I would have to survive, but yet, everyday is a struggle for me right now. Every morning I wake up and it hits me, the sadness and every night I numb the pain. Why did you build me up just to break me down? Why did you say all those sweet things, when you had no intention of fulfilling them? Why did you buy me a ring and take me to look at houses? Why did you promise me a future together? Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you let my kids fall in love with you? Why?!
Yes, we had magic, and this is beyond tragic. Every tear I cry is straight from my heart. Did you ever even think about me when you lied? Did it hurt you to look into my eyes and tell me you loved me while you did what you did? Telling me things like "Every time I hug you I want to ask you to marry me" and "I love you 110%, you're my twin soul, the love of my life" and my favorite "We will grow old together" Does it hurt to know I cry myself to sleep? Does it hurt to know that you took away my ability to believe in love? My core belief, what I have always believed in, I don't know if I believe in it anymore. To me, love is cold, cruel, and I don't want to play anymore. Love hurts.
Don't worry about me babe, I will be okay, it only hurts when I am breathing.
I always tried to understand you, understand your way of thinking and help you instead of judging/reacting. You've never known anything but dysfunctional, I tried to be the calm you've never had, the true love, you never experienced, and be your person. But did you ever try to be mine? All I ever wanted was to make you not feel alone, and to feel loved. I really truly wanted you to feel loved. I never wanted your money, I wanted your heart. I wanted you. I wanted you to let me into your heart. I truly just wanted you.
One day you are going to have to deal with what you let go of. You've said it's "karma" but when you wake up in a few days, weeks, or even months and realize I did nothing but love you, you'll realize I never deserved that kind of karma. I never cheated. I never did anything but love you unconditionally. My family may not be perfect but we have always been there for each other and they've never been anything but kind to you. All I ever wanted was to see you smile. One day you will wake up and that light I put in your eyes will have faded and you will once again be the lost, sad, depressed person you were when this all started. It didn't work for 9 years, don't be a fool in believing it ever will. You can't build a house with the same bricks you tore down and used to throw at each other, eventually that house will crumble, just like it did before.You left for a reason....those reasons still exist.
This isn't about her though, it never was.....
I have always believed in love but now I am not sure. I don't understand how something that felt so right, could turn out to be so wrong? With you knowing what I had been through in the past, I trusted you in not being another thing I would have to survive, but yet, everyday is a struggle for me right now. Every morning I wake up and it hits me, the sadness and every night I numb the pain. Why did you build me up just to break me down? Why did you say all those sweet things, when you had no intention of fulfilling them? Why did you buy me a ring and take me to look at houses? Why did you promise me a future together? Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you let my kids fall in love with you? Why?!
Yes, we had magic, and this is beyond tragic. Every tear I cry is straight from my heart. Did you ever even think about me when you lied? Did it hurt you to look into my eyes and tell me you loved me while you did what you did? Telling me things like "Every time I hug you I want to ask you to marry me" and "I love you 110%, you're my twin soul, the love of my life" and my favorite "We will grow old together" Does it hurt to know I cry myself to sleep? Does it hurt to know that you took away my ability to believe in love? My core belief, what I have always believed in, I don't know if I believe in it anymore. To me, love is cold, cruel, and I don't want to play anymore. Love hurts.
Don't worry about me babe, I will be okay, it only hurts when I am breathing.
I always tried to understand you, understand your way of thinking and help you instead of judging/reacting. You've never known anything but dysfunctional, I tried to be the calm you've never had, the true love, you never experienced, and be your person. But did you ever try to be mine? All I ever wanted was to make you not feel alone, and to feel loved. I really truly wanted you to feel loved. I never wanted your money, I wanted your heart. I wanted you. I wanted you to let me into your heart. I truly just wanted you.
Life will go on, I will move on. I will find someone who won't have a hard time deciding if I'm the one, because they'll know. I will find someone who won't play mind games and won't put me on a roller coaster. One day you'll see me smiling and it will hurt to know, you're not the reason behind it anymore, and then it will hit you-it was me -it's always been me and you let me slip away. You can't build a house out of the same bricks babe, but by the time you realize this, I won't be here. Regardless of what you have wrote and may even think when you're mad, I am worthy of love. I deserve honesty and loyalty. I deserve true love and I will find it.
Sincerely,
Your Nani Maka
.jpg)