Love is a 2 sided deal

People always wonder why I love the way I do. Why do I give people so many undeserving chances? My answer is simple - unconditional love.

Anyone can love someone when things are going great, but love to me is loving someone even when it's not. It's choosing to fall in love with that person every day. Loving them despite their faults and choosing to help them grow from them, not hold them against them. It's choosing to be their peace, their santuary, their safe place to run. That's love. Love isn't about what I am expecting to get in return, but what I am prepared to give out- which is everything - Heart, body, mind, and soul. I will fight for love. I believe in love. Everyone has their damage, their battles their fighting.

Loving someone isn't saying "You showed me you were human, so I am gone." Love is saying "You are perfectly imperfect and I love you- inspite of your flaws." Love hard or not at all. Give your all, or nothing. Be vulenerable, jump without thinking, believe in love. This is how I love. II
I give my everything and rarely do I save anything left for myself. I put their needs and happiness in front of my own. I love the way I wish someone would love me in return.

I am always there for other people because I wish I had a man in my life who could do the same for me. I am their rocks, their sanity, their peace, because that's what I am so desperatly seeking myself. There's nothing more sad/lonely than giving your all and having that person give back 30%. I deserve what I put out, which is EVERYTHING!

I will never again chase another man. I will never beg for his love and attention. I never make a man beg for mine and I REFUSE to accept anything less than what I give out! I am no longer allowing people to take and take from me. I am no longer allowing drama into my life. If you can't love me back in the way I love, don't waste my time. I am a good person and I love hard. One day I will find a man who won't take advantage of that. 

365 makes it a year!

(Wrote on May 30th 2015)

And what a year it was!

A year ago today, I took my ex boyfriends son to the hospital because he hurt his hand. I went back to the place I was staying at that time, and started drinking with my friend. Who knew by the end of that night this man would become someone so important to me?

I am guilty of a lot of things. Including falling in love with someone that wasn't mine to fall for. I didn't care. I truly didn't. I know I should feel bad but I didn't and I still don't. I knew he needed me. He needed to be loved the way that I love. I could see it in his eyes, I could hear it in his voice, he was lost and I wanted to save him.

A year ago today, events that took place, changed my life forever. A night filled with so much laughter, so much silliness, a few moments of drama, and the night ending with a new found hope of love. I will never forget the way he grabbed my hand, the way he made me feel safe and I followed him into that room, the defining moment that changed the course of our lives forever.

Neither of us ever thought this could mean as much as it does.  I never thought I'd look at this man and see a future with him. I never knew that resting my head on his shoulder would feel like the safest place on earth. I never thought in a million years his hands would be so calming and just his presence would make me feel so complete. I love this man so completely, so unconditionally. His flaws- he has plenty- are just a part of what makes him. I can honestly, and truthfully say, I have never loved a man the way that I do him.