It’s been a long time since I posted a blog.

I have so much I could say, should say, and even want to say but really, what’s the point? It doesn’t take away any of the damage or the pain. It doesn’t erase the memories or make my daily life any easier.

I am 31 1/2 years old and divorced. I never ever thought in a million years I would end up here. Regardless, of Facebook posts and drama, I truly, with every fiber of my being, thought we’d find a way. I thought he was my forever. Crazy? Right? The man who hit me, cheated on me, abused me in pretty much every way possible, I thought he was MY forever?

I am not stupid. I know. But the heart wants what it wants. I fought, clawed, cried, and damn near killed myself for this man. I went through anything and everything with him and for him, for us.

But that’s just it, I did. He didn’t. He didn’t care. He never truly did.

He was smooth. Like butter. He watched, he observed, and learned me. He mirrored me. He studied me. He knew my every desire, my hopes, my dreams , my desires and then he pretended to be that. I fell hard. Holy hell, I thought I found my soulmate. In reality, I fell in love with myself. He became everything I ever wanted or needed. He became my identity

You became my drug but I am clean and sober now. I relapsed once or twice but I am strong now. I know my worth.