Sweet Victoria, life is not fair. You were taken from us at such a young age. It's not fair. You had so much more to offer this world. I keep searching for answers as to why. Why you? It haunts me that 30 minutes after you replied to my text, you were gone. I often think about what I could have done to prevent this. I wish you would have came trick-or-treating with your father, the kids, and I.
Life is just not fair. I will miss your loud ass laugh that always filled up every room. I will miss you screaming "You're not my dad" out the window to random strangers. I will miss how you got me. You just did. You could walk into a room and read my emotions and mood like no one else could. I will miss the way you loved my children and called them your siblings. You had such a loving heart. I will miss going to your games and the whole family cheering you on. I know how much that meant to you.
I am grateful your father and I got to see you the night before. I am grateful he got to hug you and the last words you two ever spoke to one another was "I love you". I don't really have much of a silver lining here. It sucks you are no longer here. If I could trade you places and take away your fathers pain, I would.
I made you a promise. I promised to take care of your father and always love him the way I do. I remember you telling me that you know he can be difficult but to love him anyways. You know he can be moody, but to love him anyways. I know you are gone but I will honor my promise the same. Your father always wanted to show you a loving relationship. Thank you for pushing him towards me and telling him to be happy. I remember when you told me you've never seen him as happy as he was before you died. You don't ever remember him just cuddling on the couch or holding anyone's hand, the way we do. I remember you telling me I was good for him, my family was good for him, and that he needed to see normal because all he's known is dysfunction and fighting.
I will honor my promise to you. I will love him unconditionally. I can feel your presence. I know you are proud of him. He's doing amazing things in your name. He's chosen to rise and be a leader even in the face of udder distraught and pain. Your father is a fighter. He's a lot stronger then he gives himself credit for.
I am grateful for the night we got to spend alone and talk about the world and our feelings. I am grateful we got to laugh together until our sides hurt. I am grateful we hugged as we both cried. I am grateful we were able to connect that night and be there for each other. I am grateful I was able to print off pictures of you and put them around our house and you saw them. I always wanted you to feel welcomed and loved. It made my heart happy when you told me how much it meant.
I knew you since you were a little girl but I was just getting to really know you. I am sad I will never get that chance. The one thing I am certain about you, is that you wanted your father to be happy, to be loved. I will make sure you can rest easy knowing he is both. I truly believed you pushed him towards me for a reason. I think you knew he needed me too.
Thank you for coming into my life and changing it forever. Your passing opened my eyes and made me look at life in a whole new way. Little things that used to bug me, now don't matter. I used to fear death, now I fear not truly living while I am alive. The only thing that matters to me anymore is family, love, and living life. Thank you for being such a beautiful person and inspiring me.
Rest in paradise Princess. I hope you are at the beach, loving the ocean. I hope you are visiting amazing places and inspiring new people. I hope you can feel the love your family, friends, and whole community has for you. You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten.
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