Tonight I am feeling all sorts of emotions, so many in fact that I can't name just one that is stronger then another. I am feeling so many different emotions that I feel numb.
Life is a hard pill to swallow. I realized tonight that no matter how much I do in life, for some people it'll never be enough. They'll just keep taking and taking until they suck my very soul out of my body.
I'm doing some really amazing things right now. I'm checking things off my to-do list that have been neglected for too long. I want nothing more then to move forward, let go of the anger and sadness but life keeps throwing it back in my face.
I came home from school and my 8 year old son asked me "Mom, why does all the kids at my school have a daddy but I don't? " and I haven't been able to shake it off since.
It truly sucks to know that no matter what I accomplish that I will never be able to fill the void of their absence father. Their father that lives 20-30 minutes away and just chooses to not see them, chooses to be a deadbeat. It makes me sad.
Like a kid who wishes for a puppy on Christmas, all my oldest two want is for their father to give a damn.
My heart hurts for them....
My eyes cry for them....
I am numb.
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