Life lessons.

I always swear I am going to keep up with my blog, and then I completely forget - the joys of being a scattered brain mommy of 5! :)

This year has brought me many ups and many downs. I have been pushed to my limit and broken down to my core. I have also been so beyond happy, I never thought I'd come back down from the happiness high.
I've learned the hard way that  no matter how old you get, you never stop learning life lessons. I was wrong when I assumed that because I am now an adult, all the drama in my life was behind me....

I've learned to stand on my own, and not need anyone in my life to bring me happiness. I found my own happiness within myself. I've learned that some people are meant to be in my heart - not necessarily in my life. I've learned that friendships aren't always two-sided, and no amount of time means my friendships will stay intact. I've learned it's okay to accept help, okay to tell people when I've hit my limit, and just what my limit is. I've found myself living without people I never thought I could live without, and living with people in my life, that in a million years I never thought would be so important to me. I've learned how to be selfish and not allow people to just take and take from me. I've learned that time heals old wounds, but I will never forget what caused them. I've learned that time doesn't stop, people change, and time moves people in different directions, and I've learned to be okay with that....

I've never been comfortable with change. My parents are selling my second childhood home, the only home my children remember, and it's been hard for me to come to terms with it. It's hard to except that my parents keep going older, and in a few years will retire and move a few hours away from me. I rely on my family's love and support for most everything I do. My circle of people around me is what has always kept me from falling down, they always pull me back up. It's an interesting journey learning to stand more on my own, and be my own strength. I will always need my family's love and support, but I am learning to be strong on my own too.

It's hard to say goodbye to a friend who once was like a sister to me. It's even harder to find out that she meant waaaay more to me, then I ever did to her. As much as it pains me, I have chosen to forgive her so I can move on with my life. I will never forget how cold she was, the terrible things she said, or even the look in her eyes that last time I spoke to her. I kept looking in her eyes searching for the girl I grew to call my sister. I saw nothing, I lost her a long time ago and it took all these events to make me realize this. I will never forget the awesome memories we had growing up, she made my childhood complete, as I did hers. It's so weird to me because I know she's out there living her life, but it feels like she died. My once fun, devoted, amazing best friend is now replaced with this cold, mean shell of a person. I truly hope she gets the help she so desperately needs to become a whole person again, let go of her anger and learn to love people the way they deserve. Goodbye my friend, I will treasure our memories, but never think of you again.

The hardest lesson I've learned this year (so far, we still have 4 months to go) has been learning to let go and let things naturally happen. I am some what of a control freak and like to be one step ahead of life. I am learning that it's okay to just worry about things when they happen. I am learning to let go of things that have been weighing me down and preventing me from moving further in my life. I've learned how to say "no" and "enough". Those have been big ones for me.

In learning to stand on my own, I have accomplished a lot of things that have been put on the back burner. I am one subject away from graduating!! I took the test and was EIGHT points away from passing, Ugh! That sucked but I refuse to give up. I have so many hopes and dreams and for the first time, I can actually see them and believe I can achieve them. I have always relied on others for happiness and it's nice to create my own happiness. I truly believe that all these steps I am taking is leading me in a new, better direction. I refuse to be stuck anymore, refuse to settle in life. I am shooting for the moon and stars these days! :)

I am so happy, and I haven't been able to say that in a long time. I am in the drivers seat in my own life and enjoying the ride!

-Jamie Lynn <3