Being a mother

Being a parent, a mother is the most rewarding job I've ever had. It's beautiful in ways that words can't explain, and yes, there are many moments it feels terrible too. It's a 24'7 job. I don't get weekends off, I'm not promised a full night of sleep & some days I don't know how we all make it through....

I had 5 children really fast & close together so sometimes it feels like I have Quints. Just when one kid is done going through a certain stage, the next one starts up. At one point I had THREE kids in diapers. My oldest will be 10 in August, 10! I've made it through 10 years of sleepless night, screaming fits & endless bickering between them. Lol I've always had 10 years of hugs, 10 years of smile & 10 years of "I love you's".

Being a mother I have spent a lot of my time over-thinking every moment. Are they too young for this? Are they ready to experience that? When do I pull them in close? When do I let them gain independence and let them go a little? It's a constant balance. I don't want to hold them too closely to where they rebel but I don't want to let go too early & not have given them enough time to grow.

I have spent many nights crying into a pillow over frustration. Frustration that I am not enough. Frustration that I don't get help from their fathers in the way I'd like, the way I had growing up. Frustration that I am only one person and there's not enough time in a day to give them what I feel they deserve. Frustration over the "Mommy she did this....." and "Mommy ___ did that!" Frustration over balancing work and home. Frustration over being a mother and still finding time to just be Jamie.

There are moments where I truly ask myself if I'm enough for them. I questions if I'm raising them with enough love and attention that they deserve.........

...............They look like 5 very happy, loved kids! <3