That feeling.....in the pit of my stomach I get this feeling like someone punched me. I feel nauseated & panicky. For the longest time I couldn't identify this feeling, I just felt it. I felt this every time you told me where you had been, what you had been doing & who you were with. I felt this feeling every time you touched your phone. I felt this feeling every time you walked out of the house. I felt this feeling when you walked back in.....
To love fully you must give all of yourself. Heart, body, mind & soul. You must jump without looking & pray someone catches you. To love, you have to pick your battles, and decide which fights are really worth it. You have to choose your words because once they're spoken, you can't unhear them.
To love fully you have to give up some of your "I's" to gain more of the "we's". You have to give yourself so fully, and give them the power to rip your heart right out of your body.....but pray they love you enough to leave it intact.
For years now I have loved a man with every fiber of my being.....but I've always had that feeling...the punch me in the stomach-nauseated-panicky feeling. I have shared this feeling with this person and my concerns with this feeling, but yet....
How can you keep the one you love, but stop the punch me in the stomach-nauseated-panicky feeling? Is it a packaged deal? Can I not have one without the other? Cant I love him enough to make that feeling go away already???
Where's my Happily Ever After? Haven't I earned that yet? Havent I shown my worthiness?
Dear heart......I hate you.
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