February 9, 2012

On a mission to be...what i am destined to be.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.....does this mean i am insane?? Can people really change? Can things really be different this time?? Am i going to end up running again?

These are the questions that are running through my mind....this pregnancy and this baby have changed everything and my priorities and life have switched to a new direction. I know that if i go down this path i will have few supporters behind me....i know that a lot of people will be expecting the whole thing to fail. 

My mother told me recently that i try to please people too much and it's time that i start thinking about me and what makes me happy. It's hard to seperate myself from what others expect, what i want, and what's realistic. Trying to not disappoint my parents, let down my children or settle myself.

My heart and head tell me two different things....so which do i listen too? Which is the wiser of the two?? I wish there was an "easy" button i could just push....

Will my father ever forgive me? Will my mother ever accept me being happy even if she thinks i deserve more? I'm on a mission to be, what i am destined  to be and only, me, myself & i can make my dreams come true.

"I go hard forever, That's just how I'm designed, That's just how I was built See the look in my eyes? You take all of this from me, And I'm still gon' survive" -Maino



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