Trust.....

Why is it so scary for me to share my life? Why are the words "we" "us" "together" "couple" "significant other" the scariest words in the world to me?? Every time i hear these words all i want to do is run....I am good at running, i have perfected running. Sometimes i feel like it may be the damage that was caused from my ex and my marriage. I gave my all to that man and he destroyed my heart, my trust and ability to fully give myself to anyone as i did him again. Heart, body, mind & soul is what i gave him and i got hurt extremely bad. It's been 7 years since we were last together and the wounds are still as fresh as they were 7 years ago. He took away my ability to believe, and I've slowly been learning about to believe again.

Other times i feel like it may be the damage caused from my a member of my family. This person took something from me as a child and until i became an adult i didn't really realize the extent of what this person took. He took away a lot of my innocence as a child. He took away the trust that a child should share with an adult. He took away a lot and because of it, i struggle with my own children around other adults.
I just want to feel whole. I want to be able to trust. I want to have my happily ever after I want to be able to trust men other than my father, brother and son. I feel like that older i get the more cynical i am becoming, the more i look at the world as a bad place, where people are only out to hurt you. I am extremely paranoid and i hate the feeling of always looking over my shoulder, and always thinking every man is evil.

Will i ever trust??