Time to heal....

After a very long 7 years of waiting i have decided it's time to finally file for divorce. I got married on 2/14/2004 and separated 1/06/2005. After i left & moved back home, my ex quickly went down hill and i was so afraid that if i filed it would be the last straw & i couldn't have whatever the out come would of been on my conscience. It's now been 4 months & my ex has stabilized. He has a job, is clean & happy.

Even though i know this is the right decision & i am no longer "in love" with him, i will always treasure what we shared. However brief it was he changed my life forever. He was my first: My first love, first kiss....first everything. Those kinds of memories don't fade just because the relationship didn't last.

What i struggle with is letting go of the anger, the pain & the sadness. I am hopeful that this will help me start the process of healing. We share two beautiful children & for the sake of our sanity & our children's it's time to finally close this chapter & turn the page.

It's hard to look at the person i was once so in love with, and planned on spending the rest of my life with. Sometimes i see the person i use to know but for the most part i don't know this person i look at. I sometimes wonder if he looks at me and thinks the same? Deep down i see this sweet, funny, very charismatic man but that person is hidden by his outer shield that keeps the rest of the world out. So many life journey's, so many lessons & regret he wears on his outer skin.

My hope is one day we can look back on this and just smile....remember the happy time, I hope one day he won't see me as the person who broke his heart & broke apart his family and dream.(because i left).
My hope is that we can show our kids that even though two people aren't together anymore that you can still have respect for one another & treat each other with kindness.

This journey has been long, it's been hard, at time unbareable but i know that it has changed me forever, it has made me a better person. I may not have got a life time marriage from this experience, or even a life long friend, but i got to experience love, i got to have two beautiful children....That's what i will take from this....now it's time to heal.