March 28, 2012
Update on baby....
Let me start this blog off by saying how grateful I am for my children, they truly are such a blessing in my life. :) Now that I have said that....yesterday I went to the Dr's (I am 16 weeks & a few days) and I measured right where i should be measuring, but I have lost 15 pounds. I told my Dr that it wasn't from throwing up but just emotional stuff that's been going on between Andrew and I have caused me to be depressed and not able to eat. He suggested anxiety medicine but I declined and just asked for an ultrasound so i could see my little bug. I layed down on the table and as soon as my little bug was on the screen a few tears fell from my eyes. I realized how selfish I've been by allowing myself to be so focused on the situation with Andrew and I and not so much on the baby. I am a mother, my ONLY job in life is to make sure my children are taken care of....even this little one who is still cooking. My Dr tried to find out the sex of the baby but he/she was on the tummy so it didn't happen yesterday. It freaks me out a little that the baby is on it's tummy! I've never seen that before! It was really great to see the baby and know that despite the emotional rollercoaster I've been on this little one is strong and healthy. I still want to make it work with Andrew more than anything in this world but I know that I can't allow myself to be upset about it anymore. I've got to keep my health up to take care of this baby. :) As far as Andrew and I, right now we are doing good, I feel and see the progress we are making. It's hard to be away from him because all I want is to lay in his arms. Overall life is good and I can't wait until the next 4 weeks pass so i get another chance to see this baby and hopefully *crosses fingers* get to know if I am going to be blessed with another son, or be blessed by another daughter. :)
March 21, 2012
Dreams.....
Do you ever remember your dreams? Do you have a lot of dreams? Multiply dreams in one night? Are your dreams really realistic? Do they shake your core when you first wake up? Or are you type of person who hardly remembers what they dream? I dream quite frequently and often multiple dreams in a night and i can remember them for a few minutes after i wake up....I've always wondered....Why do dreams fade when we wake up? Here are some facts about dreams i found on Google...
Did you know??
1. Blind people dream.
2.You forget 90% of your dreams.
3. Everybody dreams.
4. Dreams Prevent Psychosis
5.We Only Dream of What We Know.
6.Not Everyone Dreams in Color.
7.Dreams are not about what they are about.
8.Quitters have more vivid dreams.
9.External Stimuli Invade our Dreams.
10.You are paralyzed while you sleep.
Bonus: Extra Facts
1. When you are snoring, you are not dreaming.
2. Toddlers do not dream about themselves until around the age of 3. From the same age, children typically have many more nightmares than adults do until age 7 or 8.
3. If you are awakened out of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, you are more likely to remember your dream in a more vivid way than you would if you woke from a full night sleep.
Did you know??
1. Blind people dream.
2.You forget 90% of your dreams.
3. Everybody dreams.
4. Dreams Prevent Psychosis
5.We Only Dream of What We Know.
6.Not Everyone Dreams in Color.
7.Dreams are not about what they are about.
8.Quitters have more vivid dreams.
9.External Stimuli Invade our Dreams.
10.You are paralyzed while you sleep.
Bonus: Extra Facts
1. When you are snoring, you are not dreaming.
2. Toddlers do not dream about themselves until around the age of 3. From the same age, children typically have many more nightmares than adults do until age 7 or 8.
3. If you are awakened out of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, you are more likely to remember your dream in a more vivid way than you would if you woke from a full night sleep.
Another letter to baby....
Dear Child of Mine,
We are now in week 15 (and a few days) of our little journey together. I can feel you move now and i must say for being so tiny still you are a very strong baby. I am no longer having the horrible symptoms that i had during the first trimester. The morning sickness is gone & I have one hell of an appetite now. I am going through a lot of things emotionally and i feel horrible because i know it's affecting you. Every time I cry, you move and it reminds me to calm down, I have you to worry about. I want to give you everything and I want all the happiness in the world for you. The reality of our situation is that it might end up just being us and your siblings when you get here. You'll still have your dad, I just don't know where we will stand at that point. I want to give you a family, I want you to see your dad everyday and grow up in the same house with both of us. I really hope i can do that for you.
Growing up I was really close to my father (your Grandpa) and I have a lot of amazing memories of my childhood because of him. Grandpa always worked so many jobs to make sure we had what we needed in life. We got to go on many many vacations because of his hard work and see a lot of amazing things. I hope that i can give the same things to you. Mommy is working really hard to try and repair things with dad. It's a lot of work and between that and giving you a healthy place to grow for the next 5 months...I am exhausted. I am going to find out if you are a boy or girl soon!! I am super excited. Dad still thinks you are a boy....I am not sure.
Your siblings are really excited to meet you and they don't quite understand that it takes a long time until you are ready to come and greet them. Alexia says "The baby is coming out next week" all the time, and i have to take her to the calender and show her just how far away it is. I tell them you will be here after these birthdays, after fireworks, camping, etc. Alexia is really excited that you will be born kind of around her birthday too. Aspen says she will hold you and kiss your head. She says that SHE is my nugget though, and i can't call you that. Alyssa is just a sweetheart and even though you don't know her voice yet, it's her who is always talking to you. She lays by my tummy and says "Hi baby, I am your big sister Alyssa." It's adorable and makes me really happy to see that you have so much love waiting for you to come out.
You are starting to grow by leaps and bounds and mommy is starting to look more pregnant everyday. I am excited to continue on this journey with you. It's just us two....I love you.
-Mom
We are now in week 15 (and a few days) of our little journey together. I can feel you move now and i must say for being so tiny still you are a very strong baby. I am no longer having the horrible symptoms that i had during the first trimester. The morning sickness is gone & I have one hell of an appetite now. I am going through a lot of things emotionally and i feel horrible because i know it's affecting you. Every time I cry, you move and it reminds me to calm down, I have you to worry about. I want to give you everything and I want all the happiness in the world for you. The reality of our situation is that it might end up just being us and your siblings when you get here. You'll still have your dad, I just don't know where we will stand at that point. I want to give you a family, I want you to see your dad everyday and grow up in the same house with both of us. I really hope i can do that for you.
Growing up I was really close to my father (your Grandpa) and I have a lot of amazing memories of my childhood because of him. Grandpa always worked so many jobs to make sure we had what we needed in life. We got to go on many many vacations because of his hard work and see a lot of amazing things. I hope that i can give the same things to you. Mommy is working really hard to try and repair things with dad. It's a lot of work and between that and giving you a healthy place to grow for the next 5 months...I am exhausted. I am going to find out if you are a boy or girl soon!! I am super excited. Dad still thinks you are a boy....I am not sure.
Your siblings are really excited to meet you and they don't quite understand that it takes a long time until you are ready to come and greet them. Alexia says "The baby is coming out next week" all the time, and i have to take her to the calender and show her just how far away it is. I tell them you will be here after these birthdays, after fireworks, camping, etc. Alexia is really excited that you will be born kind of around her birthday too. Aspen says she will hold you and kiss your head. She says that SHE is my nugget though, and i can't call you that. Alyssa is just a sweetheart and even though you don't know her voice yet, it's her who is always talking to you. She lays by my tummy and says "Hi baby, I am your big sister Alyssa." It's adorable and makes me really happy to see that you have so much love waiting for you to come out.
You are starting to grow by leaps and bounds and mommy is starting to look more pregnant everyday. I am excited to continue on this journey with you. It's just us two....I love you.
-Mom
March 20, 2012
Where is the love?
Soldiers have fought for our freedom of speech, given us the right to have an opinion, and have lost their lives giving us that right and I feel like everyday people are spitting in their faces by not respecting the First Amendment.
Example Kirk Cameron: The former Growing Pains star recently gave a interview on his thoughts on gays tying the knot, Cameron said, "Marriage is almost as old as dirt, and it was defined in the Garden between Adam and Eve. One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage. And I don't think anyone else should either." "So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don't." And when asked if he thought homosexuality was a sin, Cameron went on to say, "I think that it's unnatural. I think that it's detrimental, and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization."
Now, my views are opposite of his and I do believe that if gays want to marry, let them. It doesn't make marriage in my eyes any different but for so many others they can't agree to disagree and give him his right to use his First Amendment and say how he is thinking. What's the point of having a First Amendment if you are criticized every time you use it? They say what he said was "hate speech". Why because he didn't fall in line and defend the "Gays". I don't agree with that.
You can put the same issues when it comes to religion. If someone doesn't believe in God, all the religious followers will call them nasty names, damn them to hell and try and get them to see it their ways. Same goes for someone who believes in a different religion. Same goes for sexual orientation, race, gender, age, etc.
Where is the love in this world? Where is the understanding? One of the great things about this amazing country of ours is the diversity of it's people. We are all different, come from different stories and all have something amazing to bring to the table. If we could find time to accept people the way they are and learn to enjoy the experiences they bring, life would be a better place all around.
Our First Amendment gives us the right to be different, to have different views and there's nothing wrong with having them in a respectful way.
"The First Amendment to the United States Constitution is part of the Bill of Rights. The amendment prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances."
Exhausted.
I want to write a blog today...but emotionally I am just too exhausted. I'm giving my everything...and it's not enough. I can't make him love me, I can't make him care. It doesn't matter how many tears i cry, or how much my heart aches, it's not enough. When did i become not enough? I can understand the emotions....the anger, the hurt, the resentment, the fear but when did all of that become more powerful than love? I don't want to be just an option, I want to be the only choice his heart wants to make. I can't make him love me....but i can't make my heart not love him either. :(
March 16, 2012
EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL PUNISHMENTS!
*** Before you start reading my blog i would just like to say that i fully support the LGBT community. I do believe in equal rights. This is not a bash on the LGBT community more a look at how our justice system views cases differently. ****
The reason this issue has come up for me is the Tyler Clementi's (18) case. I think it's extremely tragic that this young man was bullied because of his sexual orientation, but let's not get it twisted, it was bullying, not a "hate" crime like so many keep saying. Dharun Ravi (20) was found guilty of "Invasion of privacy" and on the most serious charge, "Bias intimidation." He is now facing 10 years in Prison. Dharun used a web cam to spy on Tyler while being intimate with another man. Tyler, after finding out he'd been filmed, jumped off the George Washington bridge to his death in September 2010.
While i do agree that bullying is wrong and needs to be taken more seriously i do not agree with how everyone is making this case about Tyler's sexual orientation. Bullying is bullying, it doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, black, white, male, female, young, or old. Are we going to start pressing charges against every Elementary school kid, or Junior High kid with such serious crimes for bullying as well? How many kids are hanging themselves these days over bullying? How many are shooting up schools over being bullied? Why do those stories get a spot on the 10 o'clock news but these cases involving "gay" individuals are taken more seriously? EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL PUNISHMENTS!
Take the case of Phoebe Prince (17), The five teenagers accused of carrying out a “three month campaign” of bullying that resulted in Phoebe Prince’s suicide last year have been sentenced. Three of the teens received probation and community service sentences, while two others only face probation.
Ashley Longe, who prosecutors called “the primary tormentor” on the last day of Prince’s life, with probation until her 19th birthday (she is now 18) and 100 hours of community service. Prince, a 15-year-old student who had recently moved from Ireland, killed herself in January 14, 2010 after being bullied by several students at a high school in South Hadley, Massachusetts.
See the difference?? It seems because Tyler was homosexual his case is a HATE crime, Phoebe was not homosexual, therefore her case is bullying. I see very little differences in the two cases, but yet they are treated completely different. EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL PUNISHMENTS! I think if we are going to charge one with such serious crimes, the other deserves the same punishment. Both kids were bullied, neither were physically hurt, but both committed suicide over being bullied.
Why does the LGBT community scream for equal rights but don't seem to care for equal punishment?
The reason this issue has come up for me is the Tyler Clementi's (18) case. I think it's extremely tragic that this young man was bullied because of his sexual orientation, but let's not get it twisted, it was bullying, not a "hate" crime like so many keep saying. Dharun Ravi (20) was found guilty of "Invasion of privacy" and on the most serious charge, "Bias intimidation." He is now facing 10 years in Prison. Dharun used a web cam to spy on Tyler while being intimate with another man. Tyler, after finding out he'd been filmed, jumped off the George Washington bridge to his death in September 2010.
While i do agree that bullying is wrong and needs to be taken more seriously i do not agree with how everyone is making this case about Tyler's sexual orientation. Bullying is bullying, it doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, black, white, male, female, young, or old. Are we going to start pressing charges against every Elementary school kid, or Junior High kid with such serious crimes for bullying as well? How many kids are hanging themselves these days over bullying? How many are shooting up schools over being bullied? Why do those stories get a spot on the 10 o'clock news but these cases involving "gay" individuals are taken more seriously? EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL PUNISHMENTS!
Take the case of Phoebe Prince (17), The five teenagers accused of carrying out a “three month campaign” of bullying that resulted in Phoebe Prince’s suicide last year have been sentenced. Three of the teens received probation and community service sentences, while two others only face probation.
Ashley Longe, who prosecutors called “the primary tormentor” on the last day of Prince’s life, with probation until her 19th birthday (she is now 18) and 100 hours of community service. Prince, a 15-year-old student who had recently moved from Ireland, killed herself in January 14, 2010 after being bullied by several students at a high school in South Hadley, Massachusetts.
See the difference?? It seems because Tyler was homosexual his case is a HATE crime, Phoebe was not homosexual, therefore her case is bullying. I see very little differences in the two cases, but yet they are treated completely different. EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL PUNISHMENTS! I think if we are going to charge one with such serious crimes, the other deserves the same punishment. Both kids were bullied, neither were physically hurt, but both committed suicide over being bullied.
Why does the LGBT community scream for equal rights but don't seem to care for equal punishment?
March 15, 2012
Not a stay at home mom.....
I know that a lot of mothers enjoy being a stay at home mom. I've done it and trust me when i say, it's not for me. I enjoy going to work, having friends and making my own money. I feel like I've become a better mother since i became a working mother. I find that even though I work, i have more energy, more patience, and am overall a lot happier. When i was a stay at home mother i felt lost and lost a lot of who i was.
Although I love my children, with everything I am, they are not my entire life. I still have my own hopes, dreams and aspirations. I still have my own friends, social life & hobbies. Being a mother isn't my only identity. I find that my children are very well-rounded children because of how we choose to live our lives. My children are very out going, very happy, and make friends really easy. I think it's because they've been around other kids since they were born, they've been in daycare, they've gone to school and church.
My two favorite times of day are when i drop my kids off for school/daycare and when i pick them back up. We've spent time apart doing our own things (school, daycare, work) and at the end of the day we come back together and spend the rest of the day as a family. In fact it's 10 minutes until i get off from work and go to pick them up. :) It's my Austen's birthday so we are going to my parents to celebrate it before i meet his dad to take him and Alexia for the weekend. :)
Although I love my children, with everything I am, they are not my entire life. I still have my own hopes, dreams and aspirations. I still have my own friends, social life & hobbies. Being a mother isn't my only identity. I find that my children are very well-rounded children because of how we choose to live our lives. My children are very out going, very happy, and make friends really easy. I think it's because they've been around other kids since they were born, they've been in daycare, they've gone to school and church.
My two favorite times of day are when i drop my kids off for school/daycare and when i pick them back up. We've spent time apart doing our own things (school, daycare, work) and at the end of the day we come back together and spend the rest of the day as a family. In fact it's 10 minutes until i get off from work and go to pick them up. :) It's my Austen's birthday so we are going to my parents to celebrate it before i meet his dad to take him and Alexia for the weekend. :)
Dear God.....
DISCLAIMER!! THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND ANY RELIGION OR RELIGIOUS PERSON! IT IS SIMPLY ME JUST ASKING QUESTIONS SO IF YOU OFFEND EASILY, PLEASE TAKE YOUR OVER SENSITIVE ASS AWAY FROM MY BLOG, THANK YOU! (:
I wish i believed in God.....I wish i could feel the same peace and calmness that other's do from believing that he's truly there. I wish i could believe that when we die that we have a chance to be with our loved ones again. I wish i believed that one day i might actually get to meet my three brother's who died and get to know them. I wish i believed in a hell so many of the monsters that walk among us could end up there...But i don't.
I am not trying to start up a religious debate because that's not what i am about. I just have a really hard time believing in a "God". I know that LDS members believe that God gives everyone the freedom to make their own choices which should explain the monsters that walk among us. My question is how can someone believe in a God when millions and billions of children are being murdered? If there is a God up there i feel angry towards him, angry that he allows so many children to be hurt. Where were you when that child was being tortured? Where were you when that man was touching that child? Where were you in all of those situations that happen and continue to happen? Case in point Jaycee Dugard, kidnapped at 11 years old, held captive for 18 years...Where was God for all those years? My BIGGEST pet peeve is after something traumatic like that happens (Jaycee Dugard) people say "God bless you" or "I hope God watches over you during these difficult times". I find it insulting because where was he during those horrible 18 years of her life?? I believe everyone has their own paths and trials that they have to face in life, but come on! Are we really going to sit here and believe that this kind of path is okay and continue to give thanks to a God for everything else he hasn't taken from us?
I am extremely grateful for my family, our health and everything we have. I am grateful that i haven't lost a child or had to deal with some many of the things that so many other have too. I am not ungrateful just very confused as to why so many children won't ever have the chance of a peaceful life. I am so sick of people saying that their work was done and so God has taken them back....Why can't God take them back peacefully?? Why does that child have to suffer in the most horrific ways before going back to God? I will NEVER NEVER EVER understand that!!
My biggest question to the LDS church is they say they pray to God to choose the next LDS Bishop, the Stake President picks a name, passes it down to the Quorum of the 12 and after praying for an extended amount of time, God gives them a sign to pick that man as the Bishop or not. My question is if there's a God, why did he allow a child molester to be in the position of a Bishop? Why did he allow this man to be in the position of trust to gain access to so many little girls and tear apart their lives forever? Same goes for Priests, Pope, Sunday school teachers, seminary teachers etc. Why are these people put into the position of trust and they end up hurting children?
My co-worker Andrew who is very religious and sealed in a temple is quoted saying "God allows bad things to happen to good people so he can judge them righteously." and also "If God blessed the righteous right away or cursed the wicked right away this life wouldn't be the test that it is." My question why is God using innocent children to test people? Why are children put solely on this earth to suffer? I'm speaking of the child who starves to death, the child who is beaten everyday of their life? It's just not right. My very good friend Andrea (who is uber religious) replied "God doesn't test children, he tests the people around the children." I wish her answer gave me some peace.
I use to go to church every Sunday. I would sing the loudest, i was the first to get up and bare my testimony, i prayed every night but the older i got, and the more i learned about the world the less i believed in a God until one day, he wasn't there anymore. Sometimes I am not sure if i ever believed in one, or if i just never knew any different. I've never known life without religion until i became old enough and decided to quit going.
While it may be dumb to put all the blame on a God for the actions of others, it's hard not too when so many put everything else on him. If something great happens in their lives, it's because of God's blessings. If pretty much ANYTHING happens, it's God's work. Why can't we hold him accountable for all the suffering children? Oh wait, I guess that's where we blame Satan. I just don't understand it, and i wish i could.
My life....
One of my favorite quotes is, "Just because you're having a bad day, doesn't mean you have a bad life."
Recently I have been looking at my life. I want to make a difference in the world and even if that's just in my children's life, i am okay with that. After 25 years, I've been reflecting on what I've done in life, and where my life is now. I've had many ups, many downs but somehow i am still standing strong through it all. I've been in love, I've been broken hearted. I've experienced great happiness, and also great pain. I've lost loved ones, and gained new ones. In my 25 years of life i have experienced a lot, I've really lived.
I use to look at the trials and struggles I've been through as something sad and wished i didn't experience them, now i realize those experience, good or bad, have made me who i am today. Sometimes you must fall down to get back up and be stronger. Sometimes you have to lose things to realize how important they truly are. Sometimes you must be hurt to really appreciate true love.
My life isn't exactly where i want it to be but i am sure on the right path. In 25 years i have never been arrested, I have never done the drug scene. I have successfully been raising 4 beautiful, healthy, happy children. I am a functioning member of society, a law abiding citizen just living my life and trying to have my happily ever after.
I feel content with where my life is and everyday i plan on making moves to make my life just a little better.
Recently I have been looking at my life. I want to make a difference in the world and even if that's just in my children's life, i am okay with that. After 25 years, I've been reflecting on what I've done in life, and where my life is now. I've had many ups, many downs but somehow i am still standing strong through it all. I've been in love, I've been broken hearted. I've experienced great happiness, and also great pain. I've lost loved ones, and gained new ones. In my 25 years of life i have experienced a lot, I've really lived.
I use to look at the trials and struggles I've been through as something sad and wished i didn't experience them, now i realize those experience, good or bad, have made me who i am today. Sometimes you must fall down to get back up and be stronger. Sometimes you have to lose things to realize how important they truly are. Sometimes you must be hurt to really appreciate true love.
My life isn't exactly where i want it to be but i am sure on the right path. In 25 years i have never been arrested, I have never done the drug scene. I have successfully been raising 4 beautiful, healthy, happy children. I am a functioning member of society, a law abiding citizen just living my life and trying to have my happily ever after.
I feel content with where my life is and everyday i plan on making moves to make my life just a little better.
March 14, 2012
Networking Sites...
I am really excited to report that I've deleted my Facebook account with 5000 friends on it! I felt like i was exposing my life too much and not only that but I've realized recently who's important in my life and those "friends" didn't fit into any of my categories. I still have my personal Facebook with just family and really close friends but that's it. Already i feel like i have much more time on my hands and I'm more focused on things that need my attention. I don't regret doing it one bit, and if i ever need to delete my other one, i have no hesitation doing that either.
I don't want to live my life behind a computer screen. I don't want to live in the Internet world. I want to get out in the world and experience everything life has to offer. I want to feel the sun on my face, breath in the fresh air, and just be in the real world, with real friends. I originally created that Facebook for my "modeling" but i don't trust many people and there's no way I will ever fly to Florida to meet a photographer or go to Las Vegas for a shoot. I hate to fly for one, and secondly, i don't trust people....Have you not ever seen Criminal Minds? LOL
Since i decided that the modeling world and that life style isn't for me and mine, I've realized i really don't need that Facebook anymore, so i deleted it.
I've been thinking a lot about all these networking sites and how we all get wrapped up in each other's lives. I don't really care what you had for lunch, and i don't care what you have for dinner. It's a proven fact that the lives of other's affect our state of mind. If you're having relationship problems and you have a family member gushing about their happy relationship it makes you feel bad about yours. If you have a friend upload a picture of a brand new something they bought and you're having financial difficulties.....well you can imagine how that can affect your state of being. I just want to stay focused on me and mine and not you and yours.
I have deleted the majority of my networking sites out there. I just want to keep it low key from here on out and experience life the right way, with the right people. :)
I don't want to live my life behind a computer screen. I don't want to live in the Internet world. I want to get out in the world and experience everything life has to offer. I want to feel the sun on my face, breath in the fresh air, and just be in the real world, with real friends. I originally created that Facebook for my "modeling" but i don't trust many people and there's no way I will ever fly to Florida to meet a photographer or go to Las Vegas for a shoot. I hate to fly for one, and secondly, i don't trust people....Have you not ever seen Criminal Minds? LOL
Since i decided that the modeling world and that life style isn't for me and mine, I've realized i really don't need that Facebook anymore, so i deleted it.
I've been thinking a lot about all these networking sites and how we all get wrapped up in each other's lives. I don't really care what you had for lunch, and i don't care what you have for dinner. It's a proven fact that the lives of other's affect our state of mind. If you're having relationship problems and you have a family member gushing about their happy relationship it makes you feel bad about yours. If you have a friend upload a picture of a brand new something they bought and you're having financial difficulties.....well you can imagine how that can affect your state of being. I just want to stay focused on me and mine and not you and yours.
I have deleted the majority of my networking sites out there. I just want to keep it low key from here on out and experience life the right way, with the right people. :)
March 8, 2012
Top 10 Things I've Grateful For.....
I decided that i am too stressed about things that don't really matter and things I can't really control so i am going to take some time and write a blog for about things i am grateful for. Life is challenging, and it's not always kind or fair but just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you have a bad life. Be grateful for the things you do have....
1. My family-
My mother is my rock, my inspiration, my best friend. My mother is the one person in this world who gets me, who knows me better than i know myself. She knows my every emotion, my every thought and most of the time she knows what i am going to do before i do it. My mother is amazing, she is incredibly strong and such a loving mother and wife. I hope to be at least half of the mother she was to me, and wife she has been to my father.
My father is my hero. He is the hardest working person i know. He has done, and continues to do whatever it takes to support his family, including his grand kids when he's needed. My dad has the biggest heart and is deeply affected by the things that his family goes through. I am a grown adult but if i am going through a hard time or one of my siblings, he is affected by it and worries. My father is a fixer, he likes to fix problems and make everything better. He is an incredible father and husband to my mother.
Andrew is a very loving man and father as well. He has an incredible work ethic and always makes sure his family is taken care of. He has been through a lot in his life but still manages to remain a wonderful person and overcame the obstacles he has faced in life. His devotion to his children is amazing and i love seeing him with them. He is a very dedicated man to me, loves me for who i am, and even though i have many flaws he still loves me through them. I am very lucky to have him in my life.
Kelly (My baby sis) is everything a female should want to be. She has the perfect job, perfect husband, perfect life. She got good grades in school, never rebelled or did anything outrageous (maybe from watching me go through it was enough) and although she's never did the "crazy" life, she's has one hell of an adventurous life. She's very responsible, she keeps to herself and doesn't involved herself in gossip and drama. She's everything i mentioned above but she's also the life of the party. She can make me laugh more than anyone else i know. It doesn't matter what's going on in my life, she always has a way of cheering me up and making me smile.
Josh (My big brother) is also a very hard worker. He loves his children and is devoted to the people he loves. He has always been my protector and also one of my best friends. My brother makes me feel safe and i always know that no matter what i am going through and no matter what choices i make in life, he will always have my back, even if he doesn't always agree.
Last but definitely not least, my nuggets, they are my heart, my soul, my every things. They are the light in my eyes, the smile on my face, and the love in my heart. I never truly knew what love was until i became a mother., it's just something you can't understand until you're holding your baby in your arms for the first time. The overwhelming instinct to protect the life of your baby and protect them from ever being hurt. A child's love is so precious, they love you unconditionally. I think we all could learn a lot from the way a child loves.
2. I am grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones.
3. I am grateful to have a roof over my family's head, food in our mouths, and warm clothes on our backs.
4. I am grateful for friends who are just like my family:
5. Music (Enough said!)
6. The ability to be able to take care of myself and my family.
7. I am grateful to be able to see the beautiful things in the world, taste the wonderful food that i have, hear music, and being able to express myself with words. I am also grateful to be able to have two strong legs that keep me going and hands that help get the work done.
8. Even though life lessons can be hard, i am grateful for the lessons i have learned because they have made me into the woman i am today. As Christina Aguilera puts it "Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, it makes me that much wiser...So thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker,makes me that much smarter....So thanks for making me a fighter".
9. I am grateful to be able to express myself in the way that i do. It's my therapy and my outlet for life. The short stories, poetry and blogs i have written....I am grateful for the ability to be able to do them.
10. I am grateful for School Teachers, Police, Military, Fire Fighters, Doctors, and everyone else who makes the world a better place and keeps the world turning and flowing.
March 7, 2012
Men & Woman.....
Things that men will never understand about women...
1. Accessories- What a purse, shoes, and jewelry are to a woman, are what balls are to a man. That's the simplest way to put it. We don't NEED these things but they make us feel more girls, pretty and confident. Just like your "accessories" make you feel more like a man.
2. Why women lie, instead of being flat out honest- There are three reasons why: 1. We don't want to hurt your feelings. This is true, just because we are not interested in you doesn't mean we want to crush your heart. 2.You've turned into a stalker. We gave you hints that we weren't interested and you think we are playing hard to get, sometimes no means NO. 3. Sometimes there's an alternative motive unfortunately. If the first two don't apply, this is the reason why.
3. Why it seems that no matter what job you have, how much you make, it's not enough- We appreciate what you do, trust when i say that. Thing thing men will never understand about women is that we've been dreaming about our future since we were tiny girls playing with our barbies. We dreamt about the house we'd live in, the life we'd live etc. Is it fair? No, but it's the truth. Also, if a woman has a good stable father she is more than likely comparing you to him. Ask yourself this...What kind of life style did your woman have growing up? What is she accustomed too? What is she familiar with? That's why being with someone with different backgrounds can be challenging.
4. Why being passive aggressive will never win in your favor- Women want to be equal, we don't want to wear the pants. We want to be with a man's man, is it stereo typical? Maybe, but most, if not all women like a man to be in charge...if you're not, you're going to get stuck in the "friend zone".
5. While you may be rational thinkers, we are emotional thinkers- I believe that both men and women have the same capacity for the range and depth of emotions. However, men seem to demonstrate a greater control over their emotions, while women seem to lead with their emotions. The one exception with a man is anger, which can manifest itself as violence. Simply put, men and women speak two different languages.
Things women WISH men understood....
1. A kiss on the forehead or top of the head really is a big deal. It makes us feel special.
2. Actions speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something, make certain changes that is great but we will believe it when we see it. Talk is cheap boys!
3. Saying "I love you" before, during or right after sex, doesn't count.
4. Hugs from behind are loving, and show us that you care.
5. We get slightly turned on just from a text, e-mail or anything that shows you thought of us today.
6. Just because we didn't freak out, doesn't mean it's not a big deal, it just means we are choosing you over our pride.
7. Although they are nice every now and than, we don't need over-the-top romantic gestures. Sometimes less is more, sending flowers for no apparent reason means more than you'll ever know.
8. This must be said and although it's personal it must be said: Woman can get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. Juuuuuuuust saying!
9. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. As Rihanna so cleverly puts it "Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that you'll ever love,"
10. Sometimes it really is just about sex. We're not looking for a diamond ring, or a relationship, we just want to have fun....know the difference and stop thinking every woman wants marriage and babies.
11. We really don't want to hear all about your ex. All we need to know is you are done, and know that we are the one's who now hold your heart.
12. Jewelry shows us how much you care, also how much you know about us. If we don't ever wear gold and you get us gold jewelry expect us to be extremely confused and watch as we tried to hide our disappointment. Hint: Most women prefer Princess cut and white gold....gold gold is out. It doesn't matter how big anything is, just make sure it matches us.
13. Women like porn....where do you think we learn all our moves?
14. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, or read.
15. We are scarier than the FBI. We will find out and we remember everything and even though we may not bring it up, we haven't forgot.
Secrets women keep from men-
1. Our best friends know EVERYTHING.
2. If you leave an article of clothing at our house and stop by unannounced at night, you will probably find us wearing it.
3. We may have, maybe lied about our number....
4. We compare you to our exes and/or our father's...
5. We've googled your exes, checked out their Facebook's....Yup!
6. When you have too much porn, it's a BIG turn off.
7. You made us cry more times than we will ever let you know.
8. We like it when you talk dirty and secretly we are bigger freaks than you.
9. We save certain voice mails, texts, e-mails that are special to us.
10. We love it when you're jealous because the emotional side of us sees it as you caring.
11. If we pick a fight for no apparent reason, it's because one of our needs are not being met. It's a cry for attention.
12. Our friends know things before you do.
1. Accessories- What a purse, shoes, and jewelry are to a woman, are what balls are to a man. That's the simplest way to put it. We don't NEED these things but they make us feel more girls, pretty and confident. Just like your "accessories" make you feel more like a man.
2. Why women lie, instead of being flat out honest- There are three reasons why: 1. We don't want to hurt your feelings. This is true, just because we are not interested in you doesn't mean we want to crush your heart. 2.You've turned into a stalker. We gave you hints that we weren't interested and you think we are playing hard to get, sometimes no means NO. 3. Sometimes there's an alternative motive unfortunately. If the first two don't apply, this is the reason why.
3. Why it seems that no matter what job you have, how much you make, it's not enough- We appreciate what you do, trust when i say that. Thing thing men will never understand about women is that we've been dreaming about our future since we were tiny girls playing with our barbies. We dreamt about the house we'd live in, the life we'd live etc. Is it fair? No, but it's the truth. Also, if a woman has a good stable father she is more than likely comparing you to him. Ask yourself this...What kind of life style did your woman have growing up? What is she accustomed too? What is she familiar with? That's why being with someone with different backgrounds can be challenging.
4. Why being passive aggressive will never win in your favor- Women want to be equal, we don't want to wear the pants. We want to be with a man's man, is it stereo typical? Maybe, but most, if not all women like a man to be in charge...if you're not, you're going to get stuck in the "friend zone".
5. While you may be rational thinkers, we are emotional thinkers- I believe that both men and women have the same capacity for the range and depth of emotions. However, men seem to demonstrate a greater control over their emotions, while women seem to lead with their emotions. The one exception with a man is anger, which can manifest itself as violence. Simply put, men and women speak two different languages.
Things women WISH men understood....
1. A kiss on the forehead or top of the head really is a big deal. It makes us feel special.
2. Actions speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something, make certain changes that is great but we will believe it when we see it. Talk is cheap boys!
3. Saying "I love you" before, during or right after sex, doesn't count.
4. Hugs from behind are loving, and show us that you care.
5. We get slightly turned on just from a text, e-mail or anything that shows you thought of us today.
6. Just because we didn't freak out, doesn't mean it's not a big deal, it just means we are choosing you over our pride.
7. Although they are nice every now and than, we don't need over-the-top romantic gestures. Sometimes less is more, sending flowers for no apparent reason means more than you'll ever know.
8. This must be said and although it's personal it must be said: Woman can get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. Juuuuuuuust saying!
9. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. As Rihanna so cleverly puts it "Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that you'll ever love,"
10. Sometimes it really is just about sex. We're not looking for a diamond ring, or a relationship, we just want to have fun....know the difference and stop thinking every woman wants marriage and babies.
11. We really don't want to hear all about your ex. All we need to know is you are done, and know that we are the one's who now hold your heart.
12. Jewelry shows us how much you care, also how much you know about us. If we don't ever wear gold and you get us gold jewelry expect us to be extremely confused and watch as we tried to hide our disappointment. Hint: Most women prefer Princess cut and white gold....gold gold is out. It doesn't matter how big anything is, just make sure it matches us.
13. Women like porn....where do you think we learn all our moves?
14. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, or read.
15. We are scarier than the FBI. We will find out and we remember everything and even though we may not bring it up, we haven't forgot.
Secrets women keep from men-
1. Our best friends know EVERYTHING.
2. If you leave an article of clothing at our house and stop by unannounced at night, you will probably find us wearing it.
3. We may have, maybe lied about our number....
4. We compare you to our exes and/or our father's...
5. We've googled your exes, checked out their Facebook's....Yup!
6. When you have too much porn, it's a BIG turn off.
7. You made us cry more times than we will ever let you know.
8. We like it when you talk dirty and secretly we are bigger freaks than you.
9. We save certain voice mails, texts, e-mails that are special to us.
10. We love it when you're jealous because the emotional side of us sees it as you caring.
11. If we pick a fight for no apparent reason, it's because one of our needs are not being met. It's a cry for attention.
12. Our friends know things before you do.
March 6, 2012
The births of my children....
I decided that it would be fun to write a blog about the birthing experience of each of my children. They were some of the most amazing, scary, exhausting experiences of my life and i think it would be fun to share them.....
Alexia: I had Alexia when i was 17 years old. She weight 5 pounds 10 ounce and was 18 inches long. She was born at 36 weeks. I was induced on a Friday, September 10, 2004 around 5:00. I didn't end up having her until the next night at 10:38 pm. I had an epidural with her pretty early on, i told my doctor i didn't care about having a C-Section i just didn't want to feel pain. (Epidurals can stop or slow labor and after your water is popped or breaks you have 24 hours to deliver or you have to have a C-Section.). The birth of Alexia was amazing and scary because it was my first time giving birth. My whole family was involved in her birth and that made it extra special. The labor part when it was actually going went pretty smooth....there was a little incident with the pushing that made it embarrassing but it happens. Towards the end i started getting extremely tired and my mom whispered in my ear "You don't want them to use forceps on that baby, now push!" and that i did! I had to get an episiotomy which sucked after. After i gave birth i got really sick, my heart started beating too quickly and i started to hemorrhage buuuut everything calmed down and it was a pretty good experience overall.
Austen: I had Austen when i was 19 years old. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and was 19 inches long. He was born at 37 weeks. I had some contractions around 5 pm on March 14 and waited a few hours to see if they would stop....they didn't but weren't getting stronger. As a precaution my mom took me to the hospital around 9 pm so i could get checked out and they said that i was measuring a bit bigger than i was at my apt the previous week and so they had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if anything progressed. It did! I had my water broken and this time i decided to with stand the contractions as long as i could...i successfully got to a 6 before i started complaining for an epidural. Austen was birth was pretty fast and easy. My water was broken at 10 pm and i had him at 1:12 am on March 15. :) Austen was the most alert baby i have ever seen....so said a few others. He laid with his eyes WIDE open and just took in the world. He moved his head back and fourth looking all over the room...and he was only 2 hours old!!! Holy wow!!
Alyssa: I had Alyssa when i was 20 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born at 37 weeks. Alyssa's birth was a lot like Austen's. I had some contractions went in to get checked out and after waiting an hour i was induced. Alyssa's birth was a little more dramatic because they came in and measured me and after 30 minutes i felt extreme pressure and the need to push. I had an epidural but i could feel pressure. I yelled for the nurse and she came in and said they just measured me and there was nothing to worry about. I got really angry and said "No you need to check me again because i feel extreme pressure!" This stupid nurse wouldn't listen to me and so i felt down and sure enough my little girl was waiting to come out.....the nurse got mad at me for doing that because it's not safe and i was pissed at her because she didn't listen to me. I wouldn't let her be in the room for the delivery. Another nurse really got on my nerves, she kept insisting that i cross my arms during the delivery and it felt unnatural and i didn't like it. I am not sure what happened with my epidural, maybe it started wearing off but i felt part of Alyssa's birth. I started complaining that i could feel her when she was coming out, it wasn't full on feeling it but it was more pain and pressure than i had felt with the previous two births. Luckily her birth went smooth but man she came out one unhappy, hungry baby.
Aspen: I gave birth to Aspen when i was 22 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was born at almost 38 weeks. If i would of been one day later it would of been 38 weeks. On January 23, around 8 pm I was having really bad back pain...which is normal during pregnancy but this back pain was taking my breath away. I took a really hot bath in my mom's jet tub and tried to relax. After that didn't work i took some Tylenol and laid down with a hot pad and fell asleep. Around 11 pm i woke up and thought i had peed in my sleep...than i realized MY WATER HAD BROKE! I was super excited because i always wanted to experience having my water break. It was actually pretty gross and it felt like i had peed my pants but i was still excited to have experienced that. This was also the first pregnancy where i had back labor, i really hope i don't have that this pregnancy...that hurt!! Even the epidural was painful because my back was so sensitive. I went to the hospital got the process started and like i said got an epidural. (Can you tell i don't like pain?) Aspen's birth was exhausting and it felt like it took forever pushing. I ended up needing oxygen because i was so out of breath. I kept saying "I can't push anymore, i can't push anymore" I was super tired. This delivery i was completely in control, another nurse tried to get me to cross my arms and i snapped back "No, i want my arms like this!"...she shut up real fast. Aspen was born 12:22 pm on January 24. She came out one happy baby and slept a lot.
I have one more birthing experience to go through but as you can tell from experience i am a pro! As long as i have my epidural, the nurses leave me alone i am fine. I am getting my tubes tied after this one as i mentioned in a previous post. I kinda want my water to break again....the labor was a lot easier on my body because it was done naturally.
Alexia: I had Alexia when i was 17 years old. She weight 5 pounds 10 ounce and was 18 inches long. She was born at 36 weeks. I was induced on a Friday, September 10, 2004 around 5:00. I didn't end up having her until the next night at 10:38 pm. I had an epidural with her pretty early on, i told my doctor i didn't care about having a C-Section i just didn't want to feel pain. (Epidurals can stop or slow labor and after your water is popped or breaks you have 24 hours to deliver or you have to have a C-Section.). The birth of Alexia was amazing and scary because it was my first time giving birth. My whole family was involved in her birth and that made it extra special. The labor part when it was actually going went pretty smooth....there was a little incident with the pushing that made it embarrassing but it happens. Towards the end i started getting extremely tired and my mom whispered in my ear "You don't want them to use forceps on that baby, now push!" and that i did! I had to get an episiotomy which sucked after. After i gave birth i got really sick, my heart started beating too quickly and i started to hemorrhage buuuut everything calmed down and it was a pretty good experience overall.
Austen: I had Austen when i was 19 years old. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and was 19 inches long. He was born at 37 weeks. I had some contractions around 5 pm on March 14 and waited a few hours to see if they would stop....they didn't but weren't getting stronger. As a precaution my mom took me to the hospital around 9 pm so i could get checked out and they said that i was measuring a bit bigger than i was at my apt the previous week and so they had me walk around the hospital for an hour to see if anything progressed. It did! I had my water broken and this time i decided to with stand the contractions as long as i could...i successfully got to a 6 before i started complaining for an epidural. Austen was birth was pretty fast and easy. My water was broken at 10 pm and i had him at 1:12 am on March 15. :) Austen was the most alert baby i have ever seen....so said a few others. He laid with his eyes WIDE open and just took in the world. He moved his head back and fourth looking all over the room...and he was only 2 hours old!!! Holy wow!!
Alyssa: I had Alyssa when i was 20 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born at 37 weeks. Alyssa's birth was a lot like Austen's. I had some contractions went in to get checked out and after waiting an hour i was induced. Alyssa's birth was a little more dramatic because they came in and measured me and after 30 minutes i felt extreme pressure and the need to push. I had an epidural but i could feel pressure. I yelled for the nurse and she came in and said they just measured me and there was nothing to worry about. I got really angry and said "No you need to check me again because i feel extreme pressure!" This stupid nurse wouldn't listen to me and so i felt down and sure enough my little girl was waiting to come out.....the nurse got mad at me for doing that because it's not safe and i was pissed at her because she didn't listen to me. I wouldn't let her be in the room for the delivery. Another nurse really got on my nerves, she kept insisting that i cross my arms during the delivery and it felt unnatural and i didn't like it. I am not sure what happened with my epidural, maybe it started wearing off but i felt part of Alyssa's birth. I started complaining that i could feel her when she was coming out, it wasn't full on feeling it but it was more pain and pressure than i had felt with the previous two births. Luckily her birth went smooth but man she came out one unhappy, hungry baby.
Aspen: I gave birth to Aspen when i was 22 years old. She weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was born at almost 38 weeks. If i would of been one day later it would of been 38 weeks. On January 23, around 8 pm I was having really bad back pain...which is normal during pregnancy but this back pain was taking my breath away. I took a really hot bath in my mom's jet tub and tried to relax. After that didn't work i took some Tylenol and laid down with a hot pad and fell asleep. Around 11 pm i woke up and thought i had peed in my sleep...than i realized MY WATER HAD BROKE! I was super excited because i always wanted to experience having my water break. It was actually pretty gross and it felt like i had peed my pants but i was still excited to have experienced that. This was also the first pregnancy where i had back labor, i really hope i don't have that this pregnancy...that hurt!! Even the epidural was painful because my back was so sensitive. I went to the hospital got the process started and like i said got an epidural. (Can you tell i don't like pain?) Aspen's birth was exhausting and it felt like it took forever pushing. I ended up needing oxygen because i was so out of breath. I kept saying "I can't push anymore, i can't push anymore" I was super tired. This delivery i was completely in control, another nurse tried to get me to cross my arms and i snapped back "No, i want my arms like this!"...she shut up real fast. Aspen was born 12:22 pm on January 24. She came out one happy baby and slept a lot.
I have one more birthing experience to go through but as you can tell from experience i am a pro! As long as i have my epidural, the nurses leave me alone i am fine. I am getting my tubes tied after this one as i mentioned in a previous post. I kinda want my water to break again....the labor was a lot easier on my body because it was done naturally.
Ugh....
I am trying my hardest to not let it bug me....when it passes in thought i quickly think of something else because if i focus on it, i will drive myself insane. Yes, it was like taking a bullet, yes it hurt my pride but there's no putting back my pride together on this one. Sometimes i think i am an emotional cutter, a masochists you might say.
I think it breaks my pride more so than my heart. It takes a lot to break my heart...I don't let people get too close because i don't want a broken heart but my pride...that's another story. I am a proud person and my pride gets hurt more easily than anything else. I play it off, act like it's not a big deal, when in reality it's eating at me and drawing blood.
I know me, i know there's no way to make myself better so i don't talk about it. I don't make an issue of it because i know talking about it will only hurt me more. I just wish i didn't know....or do I? Is it better to know the truth, face the pain head on? Or never know? I don't know....I am trying really hard to not think about it and not let it eat at me....but secretly...it's there and it's not going anywhere, anytime soon.
I think it breaks my pride more so than my heart. It takes a lot to break my heart...I don't let people get too close because i don't want a broken heart but my pride...that's another story. I am a proud person and my pride gets hurt more easily than anything else. I play it off, act like it's not a big deal, when in reality it's eating at me and drawing blood.
I know me, i know there's no way to make myself better so i don't talk about it. I don't make an issue of it because i know talking about it will only hurt me more. I just wish i didn't know....or do I? Is it better to know the truth, face the pain head on? Or never know? I don't know....I am trying really hard to not think about it and not let it eat at me....but secretly...it's there and it's not going anywhere, anytime soon.
March 5, 2012
My little one...
Week 13 my love! I am getting excited to find out if mommy & daddy are having another girl or if you'll be our first boy together! I still have no idea what to name you if you are a girl, if you are a boy we really like the name Aiden (still not sure on the spelling).
I swear i can feel you moving, kicking, dancing....or whatever you're doing in there. Daddy doesn't think it's possible this early but i am quite sure that it's you. Mommy is starting to show a little bit! I am happy because it means you are growing and getting strong like you should and also people won't think i am over doing it on the fries anymore. :) I want to hold you so bad! I know that i have to be patient so I am so excited to really feel you move around, i know daddy is too.
I just want you to know how much you are already loved. Mommy was really scared when i found out i was pregnant with you, but daddy helped mommy see that everything would be okay. You really have a great dad, little one. The way daddy looks at his babies is so heartwarming. He is full of so much love, he really is.
I often wonder who you'll look like, it's hard because i don't know if you are a boy or girl though. I really think you are a boy....but I've been wrong before so i really have no idea. Daddy thinks you are a boy. He says he is due for another boy. Neither of us will mind if you are a boy or a girl, we just want you to be healthy and happy.
I love you little one! -All my love, Mommy.
I swear i can feel you moving, kicking, dancing....or whatever you're doing in there. Daddy doesn't think it's possible this early but i am quite sure that it's you. Mommy is starting to show a little bit! I am happy because it means you are growing and getting strong like you should and also people won't think i am over doing it on the fries anymore. :) I want to hold you so bad! I know that i have to be patient so I am so excited to really feel you move around, i know daddy is too.
I just want you to know how much you are already loved. Mommy was really scared when i found out i was pregnant with you, but daddy helped mommy see that everything would be okay. You really have a great dad, little one. The way daddy looks at his babies is so heartwarming. He is full of so much love, he really is.
I often wonder who you'll look like, it's hard because i don't know if you are a boy or girl though. I really think you are a boy....but I've been wrong before so i really have no idea. Daddy thinks you are a boy. He says he is due for another boy. Neither of us will mind if you are a boy or a girl, we just want you to be healthy and happy.
I love you little one! -All my love, Mommy.
My Epiphany
"There are moments in life that make you stop and think, think about what's important and who's important. I had one of those moments this weekend. An epiphany, you might say. I realized that my ego is not more important than the man I love, the past is not more important than the future, & past problems are not more important than the love we share." -Jamie Lynn
March 3, 2012
March 2, 2012
aAll about Aspen Jean Marie
A needed update...
I feel like i need to do an update on something. I wrote a blog last March about the father of my oldest two children. I was devestated because he was still doing stupid stuff and not being an active parent in our two children's life. I am happy to report that in October all of that changed. He cleaned up his life so much! He is 100% clean from drugs & alcohol. He has his own place, a job, he takes his kids on the weekend & pay full child support! This is all i wished & prayed for!!
I no longer have to look into the tearful eyes of my children and tell them i don't know when they will see their dad. I don't have to make up excuses for him and i no longer have to worry that any minute I will get a call saying he is dead. <----That's deep, i know but it's how i felt and thought everyday for the last 7 years. I am so happy that we can now move to this next chapter of our lives and all be happy. :)
I am so happy that my children FINALLY have their daddy!!!
I no longer have to look into the tearful eyes of my children and tell them i don't know when they will see their dad. I don't have to make up excuses for him and i no longer have to worry that any minute I will get a call saying he is dead. <----That's deep, i know but it's how i felt and thought everyday for the last 7 years. I am so happy that we can now move to this next chapter of our lives and all be happy. :)
I am so happy that my children FINALLY have their daddy!!!
How often are you happy?
Just a thought to add to my topic about healthy relationships....How often are you happy in your relationship? If your answer isn't everyday...then it may be time to really think about things and either fix them or get out. You don't have to be happy all day everyday but you need to be happy everyday. Relationships are hard, they take work but if you spend more time trying to make one work rather than actually being in one...it's not worth it.
I have a friend who is dealing with relationship problems and it's so hard because being her friend i want to swoop in and save her from any sadness and pain. It's a hard situation because there is a lot of game playing, a lot of empty promises and still a lot of baggage from the past that aren't being dealt with. My friend is incredibly strong and i think she is so amazing for trying so hard to make things work. I just hate seeing her when she's not getting the same kind of respect in return.
You have to work at relationships everyday, but you shouldn't have to work at the relationship to make it work everyday....if that even makes sense. If you spending more time trying to have a relationships rather than actually having one...it's not healthy and it's time to get out. So, i ask again.....How often are you happy??
I have a friend who is dealing with relationship problems and it's so hard because being her friend i want to swoop in and save her from any sadness and pain. It's a hard situation because there is a lot of game playing, a lot of empty promises and still a lot of baggage from the past that aren't being dealt with. My friend is incredibly strong and i think she is so amazing for trying so hard to make things work. I just hate seeing her when she's not getting the same kind of respect in return.
You have to work at relationships everyday, but you shouldn't have to work at the relationship to make it work everyday....if that even makes sense. If you spending more time trying to have a relationships rather than actually having one...it's not healthy and it's time to get out. So, i ask again.....How often are you happy??
It's all about the balance...
I saw this quote today and decided this is what my blog should be about. "Never give up someone you can't go a day without thinking of." I think we all have that one person we can't go a day without thinking about them. Even if it isn't always positive they are always in our thoughts. Maybe it's a song, or a place, or food...but something always triggers a memory and which they are stuck in your head. So,what does it all mean?
As i said, from personal experience i have done it all. I once had a boyfriend where we spent every waking moment together. At school, at home, etc. We didn't have time where we spent with friends and unless forced too we never spent time with family either. We were each other's world. When he would leave my arms would ache because i wanted to feel him holding me again, i couldn't bare the thought of not being able to lay in his arms. At night after spending the whole day together we would secretly talk at night on the phone, he'd sneak through my bedroom window in the morning and lay with me before we went to school, He'd jump over the fence and room into my house when my parents would leave. Our bathroom windows faced each other and we'd sit for hours in our bathrooms talking to each other, to the point where i got grounded from even using that bathroom. It's not healthy, that was not healthy....
I also had another boyfriend where we had too much time apart. We would do our own things, spend time with our individual friends but he would take off too much. So many nights i would lay in bed, listening to noises hoping it was him coming through the door. I was go to sleep and wake up with tears in my eyes when i realized i was still alone in my bed the next morning. Sometimes i would even have to go out and search for him because he was gone for so long. Too much of either of these two is unhealthy. Relationships are all about the balance.
Neither of these two men have i ever been "obsessed" with....there was only one.
I was obsessed with this guy for 12 years. I would write how much i loved him all over my notebooks, paper and pants. I would stick "I love ...." in my window for him to see. I would write poetry over and over and over about him. My every thought was about him. I think a lot of it was my age and maturity. As i got older and became an adult the obsession faded my curiosity didn't. We ended up dating when i was 21. It was NOT healthy. He insisted on holding my hand when we were out in public, he punched two guys out, one for grabbing my butt and another for just looking out me. He insisted on coming out with me every time i went out with my girls. He was a very insecure person. Ultimately it became volatile and ended.
My point is "Never give up someone you can't go a day without thinking of." & "If you can't get someone off your mind, they're probably suppose to be there." both scream for "I NEED A LIFE OF MY OWN!"
A healthy relationship is about the balance, having the time together and also being able to do things on your own as individuals. A healthy relationship is being secure and stable enough to trust your other half when you are not together so you don't sit and obsess.
If you are no longer with this person and you still can't stop thinking about them, it's time to figure out the core problem and fix it. Obsessing is extremely unhealthy and destructive. Trust me, i know.....
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