Dear God.....

DISCLAIMER!! THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND ANY RELIGION OR RELIGIOUS PERSON! IT IS SIMPLY ME JUST ASKING QUESTIONS SO IF YOU OFFEND EASILY, PLEASE TAKE YOUR OVER SENSITIVE ASS AWAY FROM MY BLOG, THANK YOU! (:

I wish i believed in God.....I wish i could feel the same peace and calmness that other's do from believing that he's truly there. I wish i could believe that when we die that we have a chance to be with our loved ones again. I wish i believed that one day i might actually get to meet my three brother's who died and get to know them. I wish i believed in a hell so many of the monsters that walk among us could end up there...But i don't.

I am not trying to start up a religious debate because that's not what i am about. I just have a really hard time believing in a "God".  I know that LDS members believe that God gives everyone the freedom to make their own choices which should explain the monsters that walk among us. My question is how can someone believe in a God when millions and billions of children are being murdered? If there is a God up there i feel angry towards him, angry that he allows so many children to be hurt. Where were you when that child was being tortured? Where were you when that man was touching that child? Where were you in all of those situations that happen and continue to happen? Case in point Jaycee Dugard, kidnapped at 11 years old, held captive for 18 years...Where was God for all those years?  My BIGGEST pet peeve is after something traumatic like that happens (Jaycee Dugard) people say "God bless you" or "I hope God watches over you during these difficult times". I find it insulting because where was he during those horrible 18 years of her life?? I believe everyone has their own paths and trials that they have to face in life, but come on! Are we really going to sit here and believe that this kind of path is okay and continue to give thanks to a God for everything else he hasn't taken from us?

I am extremely grateful for my family, our health and everything we have. I am grateful that i haven't lost a child or had to deal with some many of the things that so many other have too. I am not ungrateful just very confused as to why so many children won't ever have the chance of a peaceful life. I am so sick of people saying that their work was done and so God has taken them back....Why can't God take them back peacefully?? Why does that child have to suffer in the most horrific ways before going back to God? I will NEVER NEVER EVER understand that!!

My biggest question to the LDS church is they say they pray to God to choose the next LDS Bishop, the Stake President picks a name, passes it down to the Quorum of the 12 and after praying for an extended amount of time, God gives them a sign to pick that man as the Bishop or not. My question is if there's a God, why did he allow a child molester to be in the position of a Bishop? Why did he allow this man to be in the position of trust to gain access to so many little girls and tear apart their lives forever? Same goes for Priests, Pope, Sunday school teachers, seminary teachers etc. Why are these people put into the position of trust and they end up hurting children?

My co-worker Andrew who is very religious and sealed in a temple is quoted saying "God allows bad things to happen to good people so he can judge them righteously." and also "If God blessed the righteous right away or cursed the wicked right away this life wouldn't be the test that it is." My question why is God using innocent children to test people? Why are children put solely on this earth to suffer? I'm speaking of the child who starves to death, the child who is beaten everyday of their life? It's just not right. My very good friend Andrea (who is uber religious) replied "God doesn't test children, he tests the people around the children." I wish her answer gave me some peace.

I use to go to church every Sunday. I would sing the loudest, i was the first to get up and bare my testimony, i prayed every night but the older i got, and the more i learned about the world the less i believed in a God until one day, he wasn't there anymore. Sometimes I am not sure if i ever believed in one, or if i just never knew any different. I've never known life without religion until i became old enough and decided to quit going.

While it may be dumb to put all the blame on a God for the actions of others, it's hard not too when so many put everything else on him. If something great happens in their lives, it's because of God's blessings. If pretty much ANYTHING happens, it's God's work.  Why can't we hold him accountable for all the suffering children? Oh wait, I guess that's where we blame Satan. I just don't understand it, and i wish i could.