Ugh....

I am trying my hardest to not let it bug me....when it passes in thought i quickly think of something else because if i focus on it, i will drive myself insane. Yes, it was like taking a bullet, yes it hurt my pride but there's no putting back my pride together on this one. Sometimes i think i am an emotional cutter, a masochists you might say.

I think it breaks my pride more so than my heart. It takes a lot to break my heart...I don't let people get too close because i don't want a broken heart but my pride...that's another story. I am a proud person and my pride gets hurt more easily than anything else. I play it off, act like it's not a big deal, when in reality it's eating at me and drawing blood.

I know me, i know there's no way to make myself better so i don't talk about it. I don't make an issue of it because i know talking about it will only hurt me more. I just wish i didn't know....or do I? Is it better to know the truth, face the pain head on? Or never know? I don't know....I am trying really hard to not think about it and not let it eat at me....but secretly...it's there and it's not going anywhere, anytime soon.